The Urge.
It is hard to know where it starts.
It would be easy to stay it starts in the head, or the heart, but it is deeper than that.
Deeper, and more sudden.
Certainly in the night it can live in the dark pit of the twisted stomach.
And the spinning mind.
And the helpless heart.
Because when it comes, it takes over.
We cannot think, we cannot keep still. It is an unpleasant tickle that touches us inside and out, and everywhere at once.
It drains us, scares us, and makes our thoughts so loud and our energy so low. It becomes an itch so painful that it becomes difficult to focus on anything else.
And to scratch it? We reach for something. Our mind settles on a compulsion to act.
We lash out, or we reach for something that will numb the feelings and distract the mind.
And it can help, for a while. It can quieten the mind, and release the body, for an instant. It can give us a feeling of control.
Yet often what soothes is toxic or unhealthy, and still the itch comes.
Unless you have felt it, you cannot understand the cause and effect.
You cannot be told to find strength. To go outside. To choose.
It is not a choice.
Bad days have become good marketing, and for those who suffer this has just forced the feelings deeper, ashamed that we cannot be fixed by a heart eyes emoji.
Instead, what we need is kindness. The desire to give, and not to expect anything back. It has become scarce in our World, because so many of us are in pain.
So many of us are distracted with urges we do not recognise, or we bury, or we have forgotten how to be kind without expectation or explanation or recognition.
A home. A safe place. Safe arms and soft voices.
The reassurance to talk, and know that we will be listened to. We do not even need to be understood.
Words of comfort ahead of solutions.
Vulnerability instead of defence, because you are not responsible for our emotions, and our urges.
We can all help. We can all be that person. We can all be kind.
It starts by talking to others about the pain.
And listen to what others are saying to us.
And by reassuring each other that what that is, is not imagined, or wrong.
It is not weak.
It is normal, because to be human and to be an individual is to be in a normal group of one.
It is brave.
Through kindness, our urges can be soothed and it can be the end of one thing, and beginning of another.
You can be unstuck. You can find new ways.
We do not have to be alone. No-one has to be alone.
But to find those who take the time to understand each other? To listen to each other? To see each other? To be kind?
They are the people that count.
The ones who let you know that even on your worst days you are amazing.
Who hold you accountable, but oh so tenderly.
Find your people, find your home.
