Falling but not landing. Searching on heavy legs.
Dreaming of walking with someone next you, who is not there anymore.
We are told we deserve to dream, but what about the moments when a blink of the eye gives way to a turbulent vision that takes a second but seems to last a lifetime.
And what about the dreams that happen in the moment between opening our eyes, and our eyes opening to our lives?
Every day we wake up with discussions in our brains.
In the bad times, the discussions are loud. We wake and, for a brief moment, we are in the bliss of ignorance.
Even in the good times, we wonder if we’ve taken or turned from the right chances.
Whispers of the past, echoes of the future.
Answers to questions that we didn’t ask, or meanings hiding just out of reach.
Why did it happen to me? Why is it happening to them?
What if we realised this is what everyone feels? What if we realised that we were not alone, and that it’s only in movies that we can find the meaning in the rain.
Those that we wish we could help, might be wishing they could find help.
Those we hopelessly love, might hope to find love elsewhere.
The narratives, the regrets, the wishes and the fears. Whoever, or whatever we are thinking about, is repeated and has been repeated across endless times and endless lives.
If we realise this, then we also realise that we are all connected. That the wishes we catch, are the wishes of others. That the journey we saw in our dreams, is someone else’s journey.
The pain we glimpsed, is the pain of others.
Our lives entwined might not be a lives together but can be an emotional connection so strong that we can feel signals that we didn’t notice, but found a way through our subconscious.
In these moments, and if we are lucky, we can reach out to those who flash through our minds, and send the love that they may be missing, or the support they need.
But sometimes we cannot. There are those who have been lost. Those who are strangers yet somehow made a connection. Those who are on a different path.
And if we cannot, then here is a thought.
We can fill that space with gratitude.
We can spend the moment after the first moment of day, feeling grateful.
We can think of what we have, not what we don’t. The moments we spent together, rather than the ones we no longer can.
We can send that positivity to those who might need it.
We can fill that space with love. We can throw love into the air and hope some of it descends as the dust of dreams and finds its way to where it is needed.
So when the darkness comes, and the voices are loud, turn to gratitude. Make a list in your mind, on paper, on the bathroom mirror. Grow it generously and edit it mercilessly.
Remember it each day.
The people showed up in your life, even if they are not there anymore. The moments you have lived, because goodness sometimes that is enough. The hope, and for those who feel they have no hope.
Gratitude for what we have given, and gratitude for the chance to spend moments together again. Because we cannot always live in the present for everyone, and we cannot be there physically for everyone, right now.
If we all spent a moment in gratitude, imagine all the dust that may settle.
All the peace that may be found, and the forgiveness that no longer needs to linger unsaid.
The love that will find a way to the unloved.
Fortitude to help with all the pain.
If we give it out, it will come back. For those going through a storm, remember that even the strongest person in the storm, is still in the storm.
There might not be meaning in the rain, but the rain will always come.
So let’s try to make rainbows.