To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Ay, there’s the rub

My bedtime ritual is sacred, honed into an art over 57 years of practice. It begins with 30 minutes in a hot (not warm, not tepid, but HOT) bathtub,reading a good book and swaddled in fragrant steam. After the bath, I embalm myself with a restorative body lotion like Curel or Eucerin, put on a pair of pajamas sewn from the softest of cotton knits,and climb (literally, because my king size mattress is very tall) into bed.

But wait.

It’s not over yet. The trickiest part is yet to come.

The act of falling asleep the most delicate of all transactions. One false step, one thing out of place on the road to dreamland, and I will be awake until the wee hours of the morning. The journey requires fifteen to twenty minutes of absolute peace and quiet,no televison, and especially no internet, minutes spent in continuing my book while lying in bed with my head propped just so on the pillow.

Should my husband spend just a little too long at his evening toilette, should one of my small dogs settle themselves into the wrong spot at the foot of the bed causing me to lie uncomfortably on my least favorite sleeping side, should the book I’m reading be either a tad to boring or a bit too exciting, should I drift off momentarily while reading and be startled awake by a snore or a snuffle or (god forbid) a hot flash…

Well friends, then the jig is up and so am I - probably for most of the night.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, women are slightly more likely than men to report sleep disorders, often attributable to a list of causes like hormonal imbalance (yes), urinary frequency (no, not yet), and chronic pain (sometimes). But although my husband suffers from sleep apnea and RLS (restless leg syndrome) his sleep pattern, flawed as it is, remains solid and undeterred. I envy him as he falls asleep at the drop of a hat, and, more importantly, stays asleep despite my restless tossing and turning.

Sleep specialists the world over advocate the importance of a bedtime routine to establish good sleeping habits, and mine seems to tick all their boxes: soothing bath, a quiet room, gentle or no stimulation just prior to falling asleep. The only thing I’m missing from their list of suggestions is drinking warm milk or chamomile tea, both of which I eschew primarily because doing so would put me at risk for yet another sleep disturbance (nighttime urinary frequency).

Most of my women friends report the same kinds of sleep problems I do, and most of them can be traced directly to some form of anxiety. There’s something about lying in bed that stimulates every nervous thought in our minds. The minute our eyes open - whether it’s midnight, 4 am, or even just before the alarm goes off - the worries roll in like thunderclouds.The almost-at-its-limit credit card bill, the elderly parent who seems even more frail than usual, the adult children who have grown up and but also away, the cross words exchanged (again!) with your spouse.

Not surprisingly I’m writing this at 2 a.m., having been rudely awakened an hour ago by a flash of lightning and its ensuing thunderbolt. As rain pounds a rhythmic tatoo on the roof, I break one of my sleep ritual rules, stumble to my computer, and begin meandering the halls of cyberspace.Ironically, the first item to appear on my Facebook feed is titled “The Top Ten Benefits of A Good Night’s Sleep.” It tells me that sleep is important for my overall well being, that getting a good night’s sleep helps prevent heart disease and cancer, is a positive factor in weight loss, improves memory and concentration,will make me happier.

Now I have to worry that my sleepless nights are making me fat, unhappy, giving me cancer and heart attacks.

As if I needed anything else to keep me awake at night.