(TRI-CITIES, UFR) 1403483031 (UTC); Perhaps the most important feature of the new OBVO Temperplex System announced this week is FLYERFY, in which the individual UAV drone module is able to autonomously leave the MOTHER-HIVE and use its camera to recognize unauthorized instantiations of physical and media products in the real world and then automatically revoke contracts within the Existosphere for said questionable products and objects. It’s what makes the OBVO Temperplex System so convenient for media companies and other types of manufacturers to “crack down” on all those whacky Martian “bootleggers” constantly pirating—and profiting from—the hard-earned proprietary technologies of Our Corporate Overlords.

OBVO Representatives sagely advise that when FLYERFY is scanning an item in your vicinity, like a box of Cheezy-Cricket-O’s, you’ll see bright little dots (flyerfies) on your Inner.Vision gathering around the item in readiness to jettison its molecules into the Outer Darkness. Users are advised to stand “perfectly still” while the unravelling process “works its magic.” Once FLYERFY has recognized the product, and chosen the appropriate punishment, all additional entities in the immediate vicinity of the illegal product had “better watch out” and “better not shout” until the molecular smoke has cleared from the deinstantiation pillar. It’s what’s known as a ‘just-in-case’ measure!

When a FLYERFY drone is scanning an object or entity, it pulls out only the uniquely identifiable pieces of the entity’s essence or ‘soul’ and adds it to the MOTHER-HIVE’s “collection” and the MOTHER-HIVE is able to brag about it on ‘social media.’ When scanning a box of Cheezy-Cricket-Os, for example, FLYERFY would pull the outline and color of the box and the item’s logo, and automatically advise all entities within a wide-area operational radius (WAOR) to “Eat At Dick Greid’s Show-Business Burrito Hut.”

The stolen essence zips from the MOTHER-HIVE to OBVO’s cloud servers, where the system looks for a match from among the thousands of occult signatures in its Existobase, according to Temperplex product manager Shooprakhan Jameshun.

If the scanned essence does not appear in the OBVO Existobase, FLYERFY will tag it as “new” and “dangerous” and will be authorized to destroy it on-sight without first seeking prexidential permission. Jameshun called this a “major improvement in simplifying the ‘kill chain’.”

As the drone listens to the sounds of the suffering it has created, the “flyerfies” available in its Inner.Vision gather in a tight square and appear to vibrate together in ecstasy, much like the company shareholders do before their dark altars.

Needless to say, we are all “very excited” about this, and other, recent purposeless advances in this and other excitingly needless shameful technologies.

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