How Do I Prepare For My Son’s Open Heart Surgery?
I have written about my son having open heart surgery when he was born.
He we are, eleven years later and he will need another open heart surgery. He has been ill since Easter, and all the memories come flooding back while living at Children’s Hospital.
I tell myself, This time it is different. He is older. He will remember this procedure. What will happen afterward? How will autism play into all of this?
I have a million thoughts going through my mind daily because, let’s be frank: Life still goes on. Even though I am stuck in my head with my emotions, it is hard to move one foot in front of the other.
What about the rollercoaster ride of my emotions?
Fear and anxiety have come to the forefront. What if I lose my son? The constant thought and the worst fear enter my mind daily.
There are moments where I tell myself; Yes, he needs this surgery to live, and we will plow right through this. Let’s do it!
Yet there are moments when I also tell myself; I can’t do it again! I am not strong enough!
There have been lots of tears. Lots of anger. Lots of fear. Lots of love. Lots of support. Lots of uncertainty. Lots of exhaustion. Lots of hugs.
Prepping for my son’s surgery, I have asked myself the following questions (to name a few):
- Who is taking care of my daughter?
- What bills need to be paid?
- Do I need to go to the grocery store?
- Did I sign the permission slip for my daughter?
- Did I return the library books?
- Did I respond to that email?
- Did I cancel piano lessons?
Life goes on and doesn’t stop……
How can I prepare myself for my son’s open-heart surgery? How can I go through all of this AGAIN?
The quote from Winston Churchill pops into my mind, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
My son’s surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, May 16.
