My Writing Has Lost Momentum — Again
It is funny how life always throws curve balls. Last fall, I remember telling my husband, “I have decided to dive into my writing. I am committing, and I am diving in head first.”
My husband looks at me and says, “Sure. If that is what you want to do.”
It has always been “something” that I wanted to do. To write children’s books, to write about my life with my autistic son, and to write anything that brought me fun and excitement.
I joined Medium in 2021 and wrote a few essays here and there. But I started writing children’s books back in 2014. I mainly wrote stories with my son in my mind. He was just a toddler then, and I worked a full-time job. I told myself, “I won’t commit to a writing schedule, just whenever I have time.”
And boy, was I kidding myself. There is always enough time in the day to write IF you commit to it. The writing was never my top priority. Writing became nonexistent.
My husband got sick in 2015 when I was pregnant with my daughter. Who would have thought he would be unhealthy for three years? And then, in 2019, my son had two heart catheterizations. Of course, no one forgets the memorable year of 2020, and I was doing virtual learning with my son, taking care of my 4-year-old, and having my meltdowns.
My son and husband’s medical issues made 2021 more cautious, but I finally could “take a breather from life.” I believed it was time to write again. Writing for me became more of a healing process, reflecting and writing about ALL that has happened in my life, a way to process all of the “pent-up emotions.” Writing became cathartic. It was never to be published.
During this time, I joined a writing class and was encouraged to publish my writing. I was told, “You have a voice, and it is a crime not to share with the world.” I was encouraged to start a blog to help unravel the fear and anxiety constantly walking with me on this journey.
When I had a hiatus from life, I had the momentum to write, but something in my life would prevent me from fully diving in. Then the fall of 2022, I told my husband, “The kids will be in school. This is a great time to start writing again.”
And then my son broke his arm. So all of the mornings I thought I would be devoted to writing DID NOT HAPPEN! I had to take my son to the orthopedist, and I quickly realized that writing takes a backseat to motherhood.
In February of this year, I had one goal: to start a blog. In reflection, I gave myself a pat on the back because I wrote a few essays, which was something for me to focus on, and I created a blog! So I took the nose dive and committed to posting weekly to my blog. “Finally!” I said to myself. I will do it, get those children’s books published, write essays and have fun. Finally!
I felt committed and excited and wanted to have fun with my writing. I was in full swing, and the momentum made it easy to post weekly, and then BAM, my son has been hospitalized and is very ill. So I lost speed again.
I must admit that while spending many nights in Children’s Hospital, I thought maybe I should give up writing, and even convinced myself that writing was not a priority. Hang up the towel was a constant thought.
But how do I tell the young girl inside me to forget the magic? Forget the tug in my heart when walking into a library? Forget the excitement when I open a book reading to my daughter? The light inside of me is dim, but it still exists.
Life happens constantly, and I don’t know how to write during the highs and the worst storms.
And so what should I do now? And when will the momentum return?
