My Beauty Routine: Jane Austen Edition

Whether you need to prepare for a ball, or ride a horse in the cold rain, reject a proposal, or meddle in other people’s love lives, these hygiene practices are perfect for the on-the-go genteel woman.

From the greasiest raw beef face masks, to the most delightfully pungent sperm whale perfume, here is my highly requested day-to-night beauty routine:

My Morning Routine

5:00am or whenever the rooster crows

It takes me several cockadoodledoos until I finally gather the motivation to roll out of bed. On occasion, I sleep in until I hear the sound of the church bells ringing from the local Steventon parish at which my father is a rector.

6:00am

I start my morning off by heading to the corner of my bedroom to squat over the chamber pot. I clean myself off with last week’s newspaper.

6:05am

Depending on how many days have passed, I take my monthly bath. I fill the tub with lukewarm water — not too hot and not too cold, else I could contract a mental disorder. On the days that I do not bathe, I sponge myself down with a damp rag dipped in cold water and vinegar. If I am feeling especially filthy that day, I sit down in a shallow dish of water too.