7 Life Lessons for Happiness

As I’ve begun stumbling on happiness with greater and greater frequency, I thought about seven life lessons that helped in this pursuit…

1

Admit Ignorance

A little over a year ago, I found myself mired in problems. I felt that the root of every problem was from an outside source. But the reality was that I was addicted to problems, and I had created every single one I allowed into my life. So instead of that continual exertion to fight them, I decided to stop fighting. When I did, I realized that the root of all my problems stemmed from my own ignorance. In recognizing myself as the fountainhead of every problem in my life, I found the power to avoid them.

Now, every six months when I look back at my former self, I see him as ignorant. It’s tempting to bash ourselves, or think of ourselves as, “horrible.” But, I’ve found that happiness comes when we look back on our ignorance with compassion and affection. We’re a bit like a puppy or a kitten that doesn’t know any better. As long as we continually admit ignorance and shed the weaker versions of ourselves, we hold the power in our lives.

2

Surrender Ego

I found that my ego had a lot of plans for me. None of them were benevolent. I tried all of them, and there wasn’t any happiness on those paths. People talk about surrendering or letting go… and I’m all for it. But it’s hard, and it has to become a habit. We have to (continually) shed portions of our ego that don’t serve us. It’s a continual fight that requires some serious daily rituals to accomplish: exercise, daily meditation, reading, writing, and talking with people that love us. Happiness lies behind habits that help shed useless portions of the ego.

3

Whenever You Can, Choose Challenge Over Comfort

I first joined the military in college with the plan to do ROTC and become an officer. When I got out of basic training and infantry school, I had found myself with two options: deploy to Iraq with my unit, or enroll in ROTC and become exempt from the deployment (reentering the comfortable isolation from reality that is college). I chose to deploy, and I was greeted with one of the most challenging years of my life. I’ve found that the paths that go far outside of comfort are the best teachers. You’re forced to either become something more, or to give up and quit. It’s far easier to be happy when you’re always choosing the challenge over comfort.

4

Anti-Models Accelerate Learning

In the military, I was blessed with serving under some amazing leaders, along with many anti-models. True leaders are the individuals who can inspire instead of coerce (or rely on their rank). They are rarities in today’s world, but the military still has a few of them left. Our ego only wants to learn from the best of the best. But oftentimes, we accelerate our learning most when we study under, “anti-models.” These are the opposite of good leaders. When you get a chance to work with or under an anti-model, you should revel in the opportunity. Studying under someone whose ignorance, anger, or incompetence threatens your life is the best leadership training in the world. Use the anti-models you know as a mirror, where any weakness you see in them, you notice (and fix) where it appears in yourself. When every anti-model you encounter in life becomes a teacher, you can’t help but end up happy.

5

Humble Yourself to Learn from the Best

Humbling yourself doesn’t mean groveling. It means letting go of the portions of ego that don’t serve us, being receptive, and non-judgemental… Humble is the perfect state for learning.

The truly great leaders with imaginative minds and ideas can be intimidating to be around. But happiness is waiting for anyone willing to humble themselves to learn from the best in the world. Whenever possible, get around leaders who are the best in the world at what they do. Ideally, these are people who are are so successful at what you want to do that it becomes intimidating to approach them. I’ve found that even just a handshake or brief conversation has expanded my own beliefs about what’s possible. The right amount of humbleness leads to happiness.

6

Trust, But Verify

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.” –Richard Feynman

Now more than ever, we can use technology to “trust but verify.” When I was planning my next move after the military, I thought I would enroll in a PhD program in economics. Never mind the fact that I disliked college, majoring in economics, and had no specific plans for what I’d do with the PhD once I got it. Thankfully, a good friend (with his PhD in economics) challenged me to, “do something valuable with your life.” I realized I was working extremely hard to fool myself (and become miserable), so I decided to reach out to every recent graduate from the PhD program I was thinking about attending. None of them were particularly happy, engaged, or excited about having spent 5+ years and huge amounts of money getting extra letters by their name. We can learn the hard way, or we can verify where the paths we’re heading might lead.

7

One Day at a Time

On the two deployments I did in the military, the most valuable thing I learned was to take things one day at a time. Whenever our minds wandered, my friends and I would remind each other to stop. When you’re working in extreme conditions, you can’t afford to have people not take the day in front of them seriously. You can’t face things psychologically and physiologically if you’re fighting mental battles in the future and the past. The present day in front of you is what matters most. Focus on the one thing you can do today that matters the most. Viewing things one day at a time is hard, but powerful. Ultimately, today is all you have. The more you’re in the moment, the more you’ll find happiness as a byproduct.