The Aga Rules
A regular family routine around this household? Our prep to leave the house for a weekend whitewater slalom race. My wife, my daughter and I have done this many times in our various roles. As competitors, coach, volunteers, team leader, commentator, official, or as the sport’s CEO. An upcoming race is a force that encapsulates all of our attention into a process of performance.
A year ago this week, that routine and its process came to a complete stop.
On that early morning as we had just stepped out the door to travel to Séu’s race at the Nantahala River, my phone buzzed. The caller ID showed it was from my brother. A call from him that early in the morning and on a weekend could not be good. The news? Our mom, who had been bedridden for over a year and in the waning days of her life was in an ambulance on the way to a metro DC hospital.
We all collapsed in tears. But none harder than our daughter Séu who considered Aga as her closest friend and confidante. From our place in Tennessee and far from DC, there was little we could do other than what Aga would want for us. Go race. So we did. Through tears, laughter, and lots of stories shared with those who knew her at the river, we raced.
Mom passed away a few weeks later, the day after her 60th wedding anniversary. The reflections on my mom’s life led me to write The Aga Rules, originally posted March 8th, 2015.
The Aga Rules
It works. This is the one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty about what I write each week in these daily dispatches.
How do I know?
Because everything I share here are lessons that come from a combination of what I practice each day, concepts I learned from my career as a high performance athlete and coach, and lessons I learned by example from someone who has been there for me since before I was born.
Through a lot of tears, laughs, and reminiscing this week, I realize by virtue of being my mom’s son, I may have been born with a few pre-installed qualities, ingrained attributes, and bizarre talents.
Assuming there is a set of operating procedures my mom magically transferred to me at birth — and knowing that I’m grateful for everything that has contributed to what I see, do, give, and experience — now is the right time to share “The Aga Rules” with you.
Who is Aga?
Aga is the person my mom became when our daughter, Séu, said her first word. Pretty cool when the first word you decide to vocalize in this world is the name you have bestowed upon your grandmother.
I wouldn’t characterize Aga as a big risk-taker.
For most of my existence, being fixed to the ground was a good place for her. However, when I was 12 years-old, she had no problem with me installing roof racks on her car for my racing canoe. Then without complaint, she would carve out the time to drive me to the river each and every day where she dropped me off at a parking lot only to sit alone and watch me cross a busy parkway (canoe on shoulder) as I made my way to paddle on the Potomac River.
Our deal for her doing this? I was required to uphold my end of the agreement, which was to return.
Return from the river? or Return to the river? Yes on both.
This worked out well for both of us. We both pushed our boundaries and standards in directions we never saw coming and opened ourselves to communities which held the highest standards of integrity and happiness.
Often, I speak and write about the idea of “Cultures of Excellence.” Aga had a 6th sense for choosing, supporting, and contributing to Cultures of Excellence and steered me towards some incredible ones that forever changed my life. I remember becoming aware of Aga’s gift — the gift of choosing the right people with whom to surround one’s self. Not that we always do it perfectly — but good people are the directional force of a good life.
After a rough week for Aga, I thought I’d share a few observations about her approach to living well:
On relationships
Don’t just make the person in front of you feel like they are the most important person in the world; make them feel like they are the only person in the world. Not sure how she managed it — 5 sons , 6 daughters-in-laws & out-laws, 16 grandkids, friends, community, including contractors hired to fix things who turned into friends — and she used zero technology. Be like Aga — light up more people directly in front of you today.
On solving problems
Always go to the top. Why speak to a teacher when you can speak to the principal? Or the employee as opposed to the owner? The officer vs the Chief of Police? Aga didn’t waste time at the bottom.
On being perceived by others
Have a backbone. Stand your ground, with grace.
On laughing
Laugh often. There’s NEVER NOT a good time to laugh! One of my favorite writers, James Altucher, regularly cites the following — kids on average laugh more than 300 times each day. Adults laugh less than 5. Laughing is good for us and believe me, based on those statistics, Aga’s stats on laughing raised the average for us adults.
On being yourself
Embrace and unleash your eccentricity. Watching Aga get more comfortable with her eccentricity was beautiful. It resonates powerfully today. Her relationships. Her writing. Her art. Nothing is off limits. It makes life more interesting. Eccentricity = Joy.
On giving others a push
Help extract the brilliance in someone least likely to be nudged by the system. I think back to the people in my circles in whom Aga believed. Misfits in the mainstream world but rock stars in the world that matters — the world you create for yourself. Help build more stages on which people can take starring roles, especially the ones who mistakenly believe that their place is in the audience.
My two hopes for this post:
- Apply one Aga rule to your life this week. AND if you can, let me know what you did.
- Share this with someone who you believe needs to know that it is good to laugh more, strengthen up their backbone, take it to the top, or allow their eccentricity to shine on the stage of their choosing. And when you do share it, make them feel as though they are the ONLY person in the room.
Thank you for reading my post — I’m Joe.
After winning an Olympic Gold Medal for the United States, I followed an expected corporate path reaching the rank of CEO.
Following a long stint, I walked away from that job knowing there must be a better way.
I now travel the world presenting at conferences, as well as to work with corporations and their leaders, business owners, and influencers about performance, life purpose and serving to full potential.
In other words, I work with Leaders just like You.
You can learn more about me at JoeJacobi.com.
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