#2 Parasitic

My friend acted on top of the world when she was in her first relationship. Everything seemed to be going smoothly and they even started to fantasize about what their wedding would be like. Then out of nowhere, the couple broke up. Now my friend doesn’t want anything to do with her ex. Out of confusion, I ask her “What happened? You guys seemed all lovey-dovey when you were together. Everything seemed to be going great.” Surprisingly, she responds by saying she was never head over heels for him. Well, okay, maybe in the beginning of the relationship, but then that spark started to fade. However, she stayed by his side for some mysterious reason.

Turns out the relationship my friend had was toxic. Her boyfriend was living in a different state and he was excruciatingly jealous. He would explode over the tiniest things. One time, she was asked out to homecoming her freshman year by a friend who was a guy. They’ve known each other since elementary school. She made it very clear to him that they were only going to go as friends and the guy understood that. When she told her boyfriend about her homecoming plans, he threatened to come to her school and beat up her date if he tried anything with her.

He also had issues including depression that, of course, were not his fault. But he would always say things to his girlfriend like “You’re the only reason I’m living,” and “If we broke up I would want to die.” Whether he realized it or not, he was putting immense pressure on her. It was toxic. Thankfully, she ended the relationship without looking back. Of course, she was worried about him, but it was necessary to cut ties for both of their sakes. Eventually, she moved on and had a healthy relationship with someone who truly cared for her.

According to a new study published in the upcoming November 2018 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a big reason why people stay in relationships they’re not happy in is because they’re worried about their partners. In other words, if you’re unhappy but you think your partner wants or needs you to stay, you’re more likely to suck it up and stay. Of course, this is not a healthy relationship one should strive for. It’s a parasitic relationship that’s unfair to both participants.