How to be here and now for family and work — 16 things that worked for me
We’ve been in this scene. We are in a family gathering, yet everyone’s attention is on their screens.
Tech is supposed to help us get work done. Instead, it sucks hours of productivity with one little misstep into the black hole of the bottomless Facebook feed and the eternal autoplay of Youtube epic fail videos.
Here are some things that have helped me fix this, and made me more present when I’m with family and friends. The second section are things that have helped me do more and deeper work.
How to be here and now for people
You will be happier if you are more present with the people right in front of you.
1. Leave your phone in another room
This is very simple but this has been most effective for me. During family gatherings, I leave my phone in another room. Surprisingly, I felt some withdrawal symptoms when I started doing this. There are also those awkward moments when there is a lull in the conversation, and everyone else starts checking their phones. If this little bit of awkwardness is the price for being present, I think it is a good deal.
2. The mealtime phone box
You can train your kids in “family time = no tech” with a box where everyone deposits their devices during meals and get-togethers. This also works in classrooms.
3. For meetings, use a notebook (made of paper)
I tried this in sales meetings. It is like magic when you take notes with a little black notebook. People know that you take them seriously. If you take notes using your phone, they’d think you’re texting someone else while they are speaking. Many times you actually end up texting someone while they are speaking.
4. Use another phone without a sim card
I have a bunch of books I use for meditating. I’d have to lug around a six-foot stack of books if they were not electronic. I also prefer to take notes and make to do lists digitally, so I can sync them to all my devices.
I used to do this with my phone. I easily get derailed with the smallest curiosity, since I’m just a click away from Googling it. I started using my old phone (without a sim card) instead for very specific instances, like meditating, and I’m now much less distracted.
5. Do a tech fast
The only way I found to lessen attachment to tech is to do a fast. Super simple. Just stop using something you feel you can’t stop using for a period of time. You can start with you and your phone sleeping in different rooms.
Some people do days-off. For instance, a Sunday in airplane mode. Youtube is my weakness, so I disable it on weekdays and just reenable it on weekends (Android does not allow you to uninstall it because Google is slightly evil). What’s your weakness? Did your heart skip a beat when you read “Sunday in airplane mode”?
6. Meditate
Be still for a few moments and recognize what your lizard brain is manipulating you to do. Self-awareness is the first step to self-mastery. More on this:
7. Regular meetings with friends who want the same thing
I did this for my work, and it has been one of the best tools I’ve encountered for awareness, clarity and focus on what I should be doing — of not being bogged down by reactive firefighting. See the “Peer Pressure Design” section in this article (same one as above).
For improving my practice of being here and now for people, I talk to a friend once a week. I simply bring up what I saw in my meditation in the past days. There are no earth-shaking insights most of the time. This is normal. The habit though has almost guaranteed benefits — not only for being in the present moment, but also for improving other aspects of life.
How to be here and now for work
You can only achieve what you are supposed to do in this life if you do deep work.
8. Pomodoro
The Pomodoro technique involves work sprints and breaks with set times. Here’s the variant I follow:
- 25 min work sprint + 5 min rest (3x)
- 25 min work sprint + 15 min rest (1x)
- Repeat the cycle
I use Pomello, which allows me to use my Trello tasks as “bullets” for my Pomodoros. It has a tracker, which activates the competition maniac in me.
It does not work for everyone and it does not work for all kinds of work. For instance, things which require a period of getting into the flow, like writing, might require longer work sessions. Just try it out and see if it works for you.
9. A productivity system
There are lots of systems. You’d need to find what works for you. I think the general principles are:
- You know what your long-term goal is
- You allot time to things that lead to your goal (and these things are listed down), including rest
- You get these things done
Since last year, I shifted my focus to “systems” instead of goals. I learned this, of all people, from the creator of Dilbert, Scott Adams:
Focusing on systems has tended to make me focus on the present, instead of seeing work as just a means to reach a goal.
10. Nutrition
This is weird but this has been a game-changer for me:
Again, this may not work for everyone.
11. Work somewhere without Wifi (or use web- and app-blocking software)
I used to work in Starbucks, especially for writing, because they did not have Wifi. Since I’ve gotten a larger data limit, its effectiveness has been lessened. I might need to use something like Freedom, which is software which locks out websites and apps for a set period of time.
12. Remove entertainment apps from your phone
I installed Netflix in my phone a few weeks ago and it killed my productivity. It’s like some little voice constantly nagging me to check just one more episode. I have uninstalled it. The only place I watch shows now is the TV. The little increase in effort to watch shows has resulted in much less time watching TV. This is me using my laziness for productivity.
Tech
- 13. Kill FB News Feed — there are Chrome and Firefox add-ons that make Facebook look this way:
- 14. Forest — if you open any other app in your phone before your target work duration, your (virtual) tree dies. Stay focused and you can grow a forest.
- 15. Habit apps — there are lots of these. The one I’m using is Loop (Android). A friend of mine uses Habitica. If you grew up playing role playing video games, you might like this, including its retro video game art.
- 16. Use a Kindle instead of a phone for reading — It’s the best $70 I’ve spent. Reading using a phone is tiring for the eyes and opens you to lots of distractions. I use apps like p2k and Send to Kindle for sending webpages and blogposts to my Kindle.
