On giving undue credit to the most undeserving

There is a piece of credit that I gave someone in the past that has been immortalised, much to my chagrin!

This person had often been extremely mean to me (and others I might add). Yet, when it came time to close the chapter on our professional relationship, there I was thanking them with words so mushy and saccharin sweet that some aware of the situation at the time might have thought it a failed attempt at sarcasm.

I will forever question my decision to try to erase our bad experience by painting over wounds with words that reflected the relationship I had hoped we could have had, and not actually what was.

Don’t be like me. Please.

And worse- I am a repeat offender. I have often found myself investing way too much time, care and effort in people that are quite frankly, undeserving.

Now don’t get me wrong, it is definitely a good thing to not withhold good from those you are in the position to help. I’d even encourage people to go the extra mile sometimes: it is a good personal exercise in becoming a better individual to perform specific or random acts of kindness.

However, consider what damage you are doing to your own heart by continuously investing yourself in people who have showed you- not by few actions, but by an unbroken pattern- that they aren’t willing to respect you and your efforts.

You don’t have to be friends with everyone. You do not need everyone to like you to be able to achieve your destiny, neither do you need everyone’s support to fulfill your dreams. What you need is the right people, the right self-belief, and VERY important- self respect.

This self respect is something that will be built and honed gradually, and part of it encompasses discernment. Who are those people/situations that you are constantly pouring yourself out for like a wasted offering? Those that you are continuously agonising over, who don’t give a damn about you? My assertion is not to abandon without careful consideration, but rather to grasp for safety.

The airplane analogy: put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

What love and support can you give if you are already spent? And when guilt of ‘not being good enough/acceptable’ (people-pleasers this one’s for you!), rather than friendship/empathy is driving you, what good can really be achieved in the long run? You will burn out.

Step back and re-assess!

No need for a savage all nighter of facebook spring cleaning. Sleep on it first, then think about who deserves the effort you have to give.

It may be that you need space from some people/situations for a short period of time. It may be that you, yourself, have been toxic and unsafe to others in your life (this is a hard one to admit, but remember that these are things you can assess in the privacy of your own heart and head).

The famous saying goes: some days we are the pigeon, and others we are the statue. We can all be guilty- the point is to keep getting better.

Invest your efforts into those who are most deserving of it, beginning with yourself. Identify those who are unsafe for you then readjust and reorient the relationship to give yourself an adequate safe zone.

Do not waste your credits. I have quite a few regrets in my life and one of them is that extra credit I gave at 1000% when it should have been at 70%. Never again will I do that as I’ve learned my lesson the hard way.

Caution when going forward.

Be open and friendly, retreat to your safe zone when need be, and allow others to do the same.

And do not judge yourself for the times you just have to pay some people dust. Apply your extra credits where they are truly wanted, needed, and appreciated.