Young samurai named Kakushiro approaches Kanbei, experienced samurai who proved himself in battles, and asks him to be his teacher. Young man desperately needs someone to guide him on his path and he is absolutely sure Kanbei will be a great mentor.

He runs after Kanbei, he falls to his knees and pleads:

- Please make me your disciple!

Kanbei answers:

- As you see, I am a ronin (~a samurai without a master, that makes him a sellsword). I don’t take disciples.

Pretty straightforward, isn’t it?

But Kakushiro didn’t accept that. They talked as they went on and Kanbei said that he wasn’t well suited for a role of a mentor.

- I’ve seen my share of battle, but always on the losing side. Better not to follow such an unlucky man.

Kakushiro’s reaction?

- I am determined to follow you whether you allow me to or not.

- I forbid it, — answered Kanbei.

Nevertheless, Kakushiro proceeds to accompany him.

In several days Kanbei says him:

“I was once your age, you know. Hone your skills, then go to war and do great things. Then become lord of your own castle and domain. But as you dream those dreams, before you know it, your hair will turn as grey as mine. By that time you’ve lost your parents and you’re all alone.”

With these words Kanbei dismisses him from the service.

Young samurai did not respond, but neither he agreed to depart. He stayed by Kanbei’s side. He was absolutely confident that what he craved for was worth fighting for.

Time passed, and Kanbei finally accepted him as his disciple.

Kanbei asks a skilful samurai to help him to fight the bandits. After the samurai learns that the job affords no stipend nor reward, samurai rejects:

- This is absurd! My ambitions are greater than that!

Rather decisive reject, don’t you think?

Still, Kanbei is not done yet. He pauses, bows his head and says:

- That’s a shame. Won’t you reconsider?

- No, I will not, — says the samurai and turns back.

Third story is about lone samurai Kyuzo.

Kanbei asks if Kyuzo would join their little army in order to defend a village. He doesn’t get a positive answer.

Here is what Kanbei himself says about the man:

- I doubt he’ll join us.

And after that, he adds:

- I did tell him where we’re staying, though.

Though we did not hear the dialogue between two samurai, judging from Kanbei’s words we see that he did not give up after his offer had been rejected.

Eventually, Kyuzo returned. For good or for bad — you will see while watching the movie, but he did join Kanbei, and his initial ‘no’ eventually became ‘yes’.

I am pretty sure you figured out the moral of these stories already.

None of these characters was taking ‘no’ for an answer.

They were absolutely determined to try their best to get the answer they needed. They failed once, they failed twice, then they got up and proceeded fighting.

Our teachers, parents and bosses often teach us that ‘no’ means ‘no, never’. People are indeed easier to manipulate when they see things this way. People are predictable when they instantly settle with what they get.

Are you ready to adjust your life expectations to be less trouble for others? If you want to live your own life, ‘no’ should not be a stopping factor for you, unless you realise it is not worth it. But, in that case — why would you ask the question in the first place?

In the stories we discussed characters knew that their creed and even their fate was at stake. They fought to get a positive answer, and even though they were not always successful in the end, they did the right thing.

N.B.: It can be very hard to face ‘no’ when the question is about relationships. It deals with our emotional side, that is hell of a side to control.

Yet I am absolutely sure that here this principle becomes even more crucial. If you ask a person for whom you are ready to give, well, let us face it, your life… If you are absolutely confident that this is the right person, than there is so little in this world that should be able to stop you. And ‘no’ is rarely the case.

Ask again. Become better.

Ask again. Show that you are the one.

Ask again. Show you are serious.

Ask again. Show you are worth it.

And then ask again.

I know that this is something easier said than done. Unexpectedly for myself, I am now experiencing something similar. Although I haven’t received a straight ‘no’, even being close to it felt like a breath of death.

This is fucking hard.

But I simply cannot give up. I can’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I cannot give up knowing that I haven’t used all the chances I might have.