As is the case with a few different epiphanies I’ve had lately, this all started while reading Jeff Goins’ book The Art of Work. Jeff talks about this very thing while discussing the pursuit of one’s passion or calling.

We like to turn love into something very mystical. On some level, there is some mystery involved. When I first met my wife, I had no idea the amazing journey that was in store.

But it didn’t “just happen.”

When I think back to my wedding day, I realize that my relationship with my wife didn’t start there. It started when I bumped into her while making my way to a stage to sing “Take Me Out to The Ballgame” in front of the entire student body at the college we both attended. It started again when we took our first picture together at a baseball game. Then it started again when we went on our first date.

It grew as we went on more dates. It grew as we met each other’s families. It grew as we traveled together. It grew as we helped each other through hardship. It grew as we learned more about each other.

It grew as we did life together.

All that growing led to a moment that many like to describe as mystical. I got down on one knee and asked Sarah to marry me. That led to another “mystical” moment — watching her walk down an aisle towards me on our wedding day.

But the mystical moments only come after many moments of intentionality. I didn’t “just know” that I was supposed to marry my wife. I learned so much about her that I knew I wanted to marry her.

At this point, it may sound like I’m saying my relationship with my wife was purely practical — we spent enough time together to necessitate marriage. No, that’s not exactly true. If that were the case, you could walk up to a random person, spend a certain amount of time with them and, voila!, you’d be ready for marriage.

Obviously, that is not the case. It seems there must be a happy medium between practicality and mysticism in love. I can only speak for my own experience. For us, the intentionality made room for those “magical” moments.

The First Date

My mind was racing.

I hadn’t been on a date in a long time. I didn’t know Sarah very well, but I knew she liked baseball. Going to see the local minor league team seemed like a pretty safe idea, then.

Still, I couldn’t calm down. I sat in my apartment, thoughts of the possibilities of the night before me running through my mind. Do I pay? Of course I pay! What are we going to talk about for an entire baseball game? Will she like me? Should I kiss her? That continued for about 2 hours.

Then came a knock on the door.

There she was, wearing the same shirt I was. Hers was black, mine was grey. Other than that, we looked identical. “Good sign, right?” I thought.

She had driven to my apartment and, without thinking, I just hopped into her car.

“You want me to drive?” she asked.

“Sure!” I replied — again, not thinking.

Looking back, it may not have been the best way to start the date. However, I was already learning something about Sarah — she doesn’t mind taking the driver’s seat. Well — not exactly — Sarah does NOT like to drive. But she can certainly take care of herself.

We parked next to the stadium and walked up to the box office. I bought the tickets. I thought this was like a bright neon sign signaling this interaction as a date. Sarah is quite fond of saying that she never knew this was a date. Then why was I nervous for hours?

We got to our seats, but not before stopping at an apparel booth and the concession stand. Again, I paid.

During the game, we talked about our lives. Where we came from and where we were going. We shared laughs and french fries, and we began laying the foundation for a journey like none other.

It was easily the best first date of my life. I’ll never forget it.

Defining the Relationship

The grass felt cool, as if it was holding on to the last bit of spring before the heat of the summer was here to stay. I was sitting next to a pretty girl atop a hill behind the church where she worked. We had just come back from a date at a coffee shop, and the sun was beginning to set.

She had just asked me where I saw “this” going.

I was about to start my senior year of college. Dreams of working in downtown Chicago at a PR firm in a high-rise building were still floating through my mind. I didn’t know what the future held, but I wasn’t sure it involved a relationship.

But I really liked her.

I was torn. I needed more time to decide. But I knew I couldn’t just string her along. That wouldn’t be fair. We needed a deadline. I always worked better on a deadline anyways.

“Let’s take the summer to think about it,” I said. “Let’s keep going on dates and by the end of the summer, we’ll see where things stand.”

A concerned look came over her face.

“So we won’t see other people, right?” she asked.

“Right, right.” I said.

As the sun sank down over the Indiana cornfields, the clock began to tick.

We went on dates. We spent time together. We talked openly about our relationship. June passed. July came and went. The calendar had turned well into August. The summer was coming to an end…

August 6, 2014

We found ourselves on that same hill. Sarah, again, asked me a probing question.

“What do you think of us?”

“I like how things are going.” I replied nervously.

I really wanted to take things to the next level, but I wasn’t sure she did. A few weeks earlier, I had told her that I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I meant it then. I didn’t mean it now. The next words out of her mouth set everything straight.

“Well, I don’t! I want to date you.” she said.

Sarah’s never been one to hold back. I love that about her.

These moments, and many others in our relationship, could be described both practically and mystically. They were special moments, for sure. But they came about because of intentional time spent together. These intentional moments opened the doors for more moments…

I’m going to keep being intentional with my wife. I’m going to practically spend time with her. I’m going to learn more about her. I’m going to love her.

And that is precisely when the magical moments will appear.

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