4 Reasons Why Breastfeeding Is Really Freaking Hard
To start this off, yes, I’m still breastfeeding my son exclusively. No, I’m not a judgey-wudgey type of mom. Formula is scientifically good shit, and every single day I imagine throwing in the towel and switching to the bottles & formula game. I’m also an advocate of breastfeeding, if you have the milk supply, a baby with a good latch, and the desire to do so. Seriously though, I would never condemn a mother for choosing not to breastfeed because it is ridiculously difficult at times. Here’s my reasons why.
Supply is always a concern
Yes, some women just naturally have this abundant amount of milk, enough to start a free milk stand and even donate to other babies in need. But on the flip side, many women stress out about constantly having to increase the amount of milk they’re producing. We’re drinking this disgusting Mother’s Milk Tea that tastes like black licorice (kudos to you if you like that shit). We’re taking fenugreek supplements and making lactation cookies with brewers yeast. Despite societal pressures to “drop that baby weight as fast as possible”, it’s actually not recommended that nursing mothers cut calories, diet, or do any kind of restriction diet (like ketosis, low carb, etc) because your supply drops. Burn too many calories by bouncing that wailing newborn? Your supply drops. Forget to drink enough water? Adios milk supply. God forbid you have to go back to a full time job where you have to pump all day to feed your baby, then you have a whole additional set of things to worry about (did I pump enough to keep my supply up?). Every time my baby latches on, drinks for awhile, and then pulls off and screams I assume it’s because I’m “out of milk”. It’s exhausting.
You’re constantly tethered
Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and I’ve spent 99% of the last 11 weeks with him. But I also have 3 inches of gray roots on my head and can’t schedule a hair appointment because he might have an “I want to nurse” meltdown with Dad in the 3 1/2 hours I’m gone. All night long, I’m the default person who wakes up with him — because I’m the one who has to feed him anyway. It doesn’t make sense for both of us to be tired, after all. When he cries, there’s a high probability that he wants boob so I’m the one who defaults to picking him up. I have to carefully schedule in any out-of-the-house time around his feedings, and “top off his tank” so that I can hop down the street for a one-hour fitness class. Riding my horse doesn’t feel like a relaxing activity anymore — gone is my leisurely pace and I now rush home to make sure he gets fed.
Not to mention, as a remote worker, I can basically not go out of town for any office visits for at least the first six months or longer. My son cosleeps with me, which is amazing because we both get 12+ hours of sleep. But it means that Dad can’t really do the bedtime routine. If I have to go out of town for overnight stays, my son doesn’t get nursed to sleep and won’t get his middle of the night quick feedings that he needs to sustain his happy sleep patterns. It’s taken me out of the running for jobs that require “onsite training” or “25% travel”. But I know that’s the trade-off I signed up for.
On demand breastfeeding is the new recommended way to feed, which amounts to throwing my whims out the window and giving myself entirely to my son. I’m all in, but it is the biggest life change I’ve experienced with parenting so far.
Pumping is awful
With regards to the previous point, the solution to being tethered is pumping and building up a hefty freezer stock of milk that caregivers can bottle-feed to the baby while you’re gone. But with regards to point one, it’s hard enough to have enough supply just to keep your baby happy and fed on a daily basis, much less add in a few pumping sessions so that you can have a stash. Fitting in the pumping and figuring out when’s the best time to do it without taking a meal away from your nursing child feels like rocket science. I have yet to master it. My freezer supply is tiny.
The pump itself is a ghastly creation that makes the pumping mother feel like a milking cow. It’s not necessarily painful, but it’s slow. The hands-free pumping devices don’t seem that effective, so you have to sit there and hold this plastic thing on and try not to focus on the tiny amount that’s coming out (it’s important to be stress-free and calm while you pump so that the flow comes out quicker). You have to sterilize the pieces regularly, it’s loud, and it can take several pumping sessions over multiple days just to make enough for ONE feeding. The pump isn’t nearly as effective at removing milk from breasts as a baby is, so it’s tedious and annoying and slow.
Leaking milk everywhere
No matter what I do, I leak. Everyone says this improves as your supply settles out after the first month or two — but it sure hasn’t in my case. All day long I have to wear pads in my bra, which often shift around and sometimes miss the leakage entirely. I go through a couple bras a day sometimes after I soak the first one. I have to sleep in a nursing bra or cami stuffed with 2–3 pads on each breast to catch all the fluid. Even when my boobs feel empty, they still leak. God forbid I put a sports bra on and go running or hit the gym…
Not everyone has this problem. Not everyone has all these problems, so your experience may vary. But for me, there’s like a 50% chance that I have big wet spots on the front of my shirt at any given time. Sexy.
Next up, I’ll write an homage to breastfeeding since I actually do enjoy the act of nursing my child despite all these complaints. There’s just a lot of media around “breast is best” that talks about how breastfeeding is easier, cheaper, and better for babies. While it certainly is “free” (kinda? you still have to pay for freezer bags, nipple shields potentially, nursing bras/tanks, leak pads etc.) I’d argue that it’s not necessarily easier aside from the convenience of not dealing with as much dishwashing. And my breastfeeding experience has been relatively “normal” in that I haven’t suffered through clogged ducts, thrush, or mastitis (which leads to horrible flulike symptoms). Yuck. Kudos to all the nursing mamas out there. ❤
