Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone to Share Breastfeeding Photos

When I gave birth to my son in September, I expected that breastfeeding would feel natural right off the bat. He would just attach and nurse and everything would be perfect. It turns out that it’s not that easy — but thankfully my hospital had a lactation consultant available to help me daily with the “art of the latch”. The first time she came and asked me if she could touch my breast to help guide it into my son’s mouth, I bristled a bit. For something that’s supposed to be natural, I felt super awkward with having someone that close to my naked chest who wasn’t a sexual partner.

The next few months, that feeling of discomfort started to dissipate. I was going to breastfeeding support groups, nursing in a room with 10–15 other mamas. Looking around and realizing that I wasn’t focused on their breasts, that I didn’t care what their nipples looked like or how large or small their chest was, made me feel comfortable to do what I came to do — feed my baby with the help of experienced professionals.

But in public, I was still very much not okay with the idea of flopping my boob out. Society still judges women harshly for doing this, and my husband has mentioned that he doesn’t like the idea of ‘creepers’ looking at me while I’m doing it. I carry a nursing coverup in my diaper bag, which basically is a giant apron that my son hates to be hidden underneath. It’s hot, makes it so I can’t see him, and gives off the impression that whatever I am doing underneath it is super intimate and private. It tends to make more people stare, from my experience.

Only now, 7 months in, am I starting to be comfortable with nursing in public. I still try to find a private place to do it, and I haven’t done it at the restaurant table (yet) but I’m realizing that we need to normalize this behavior. I’m a confident woman and I generally don’t care what people think about me, so I have a responsibility to nurse everywhere I can and contribute to a society that sees breastfeeding as a natural occurrence that’s just as normal to see in public as bottlefeeding.

For my son, this is totally normal. This is how he gets his nutrition, and I don’t intend to stop nursing him anytime soon. I don’t want him to pick up on any silent vibes that what he’s doing is weird, or something that anyone should judge us for. Is there anything more natural than using breasts for what they were intended for? Why do I nurse on the toilet at the zoo? Why do I hide in the backseat of my car to feed him instead of just doing it wherever we happen to be at the time? I need to get over my fear that someone will judge me, and just do it.

So I’m sharing these photos on Medium from a family photoshoot over the weekend, in an effort to put myself out there and take a brave step toward being comfortable nursing in public. While taking these photos beside a hiking trail, people were walking by and I was afraid to make eye contact. I shouldn’t be. I should own it, otherwise I’m just making the problem worse by treating the experience as awkward.

Thanks for reading. =)