The absence and return.

It’s been ten years since I started writing. Writing, that is, in a formal, I-actually-want-other-people-to-read-it way. Sorry, Xanga, you and my teen angst quoting Dashboard Confessional lyrics and talking about last weekend’s party doesn’t count.

Writing has really become a part of my DNA. In moments of crisis, I write. In moments of silence, I write. When I read, it’s almost impossible for me not to process whatever is it I’m looking at in an analytical, “I must write about this” way. I suppose writing is a way for me to process — it serves as a form of self-therapy — and I’ve always felt compelled to share, transparently, to those who will listen. Be it about a personal hurdle, a step forward (or back) in my role as a business-owner, or a nugget of wisdom in the world of branding, marketing, and design. “Contributing to the conversation” has always been important to me.

So why then, have I “gone dark” for so long? Last year, on lifewithoutpants.com, I wrote once. One time. For a while, I felt really guilty about it. It wasn’t that I had nothing to say, I had plenty — but for whatever reason, it became a lesser priority to my other pursuits. And mostly, I got into the dangerous headspace brought on by fear and doubt — the one that told me:

“You don’t have anything good enough to say, so don’t say anything at all.”

This is, in fact, a dangerous place to be in. As a writer. As a creator. As a frickin’ human being. The “it’s not worth it” inner-self liar that holds you back from doing, well, anything at all.

Not enough people will read it. No one will care. It’s not going to lead to a book deal or get you more clients or make others like you. It’s not going to do any of that, so why do it, right?

New Year’s resolutions are always tough. They’re hard not to think about and plan for yourself, and they’re even harder to keep past January 12th. I’m sure, like me, you’ve seen plenty of people start a blog or pick up where they long ago left off, exactly like I’m doing here. And I’m sure, like me, you’ll see plenty of people “go dark”, stop going to the gym, and/or give up on their resolutions by the end of the month.

I can’t promise you something bold like “I’ll write every day” (though my intent is to do so — either here or for myself as an outlet of early-morning meditation). But I can promise that I’m back in the headspace that got me writing in the first place. I’m re-connecting with the simple joy of words on a page. I’m rekindling the lost flames of “done” being a helluva lot better than “perfect”.

And, I’m cutting down the barriers and excuses:

• I’m moving everything here to Medium to keep writing ridiculously simple and to make things more widely sharable.
• I’m writing first thing in the morning, before working, while my head is clear and before the work-mode wheels are in motion (this will be easier said than done).
• I’m also allowing myself — yes, allowing, to miss a day of writing. Maybe even two. Though my intent is to write daily, I’ll write when it feels right. Period.
• I’m not going to spend more time finding the “perfect photo” than writing the damn article itself. If you’ve been blogging for a while, you know what I mean. Making your post “look good” can and often does become more of a priority than the content itself. Not anymore, I say!
• I’ll write without backspacing. In other words, I’ll allow myself to put imperfections on the page for the sake of getting it on the page, and I’ll limit the amount of self-editing that my brain wants so badly to do.

Something is better than nothing. Done is better than perfect. Though I’ve clearly forgotten in recent history, I’m well-aware of the power of momentum and follow through. Here’s to following through, building momentum, and re-creating a habit that I love and that truthfully, opened the doors to where I find myself today.