‘Not the university type’

Emily Pickles graduated from the University of Leeds with a BA in Child and Family Studies.

I’m someone who’s always described themselves as more of a ‘hands on’ person — so not an academic. When I left school at 16 without my ‘good’ GCSE passes in English and Maths (grades A-C in old money, grades 9–4 now) I went straight into an apprenticeship working full-time in an Early Years centre as a nursery nurse.

I gained my NVQ Levels 2 and 3, getting my first job in a large, diverse Children’s Centre…and there I stayed, gaining knowledge, skills and experience working with children and their families. I loved the job — every day was different — but after 12 years I felt I needed a change. But what kind of change?

By this point I had a four year-old son who I suspected had autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and the thought of him going to school filled me with dread. I wanted him to grow up knowing he could do anything he set his mind to — I wanted to be a role model to him, to show him that if mummy could do it then he could too. That’s what set the wheels in motion of my journey back into education.

What to do?

I’d set myself the challenge of going back into education — but what would I study, what did I want to get out of it…and where on earth was I going to start? I genuinely didn’t have a clue. I loved working with and supporting families and their children, so I was thinking I could go into social work, or maybe become a primary school teacher or an education outreach worker.

I was directed towards the Lifelong Learning Centre (LLC) by a work colleague, which I found offered a part-time degree in Child and Family Studies with course content relevant to all of these roles — it seemed the perfect choice given my indecisiveness, so I applied!

And so it begins…

The biggest fear for me before starting uni was my writing — it’s something I’d always struggled with and was one of the reasons I’d put off returning to education for so long. But with the help of my amazing tutors, and my own hard work, I improved.

I’m not going to lie — the written work was hard, but I love learning, I looked forward to my lectures and each new module was interesting, engaging and got me to question my own thoughts, ideas and experiences.

An example which springs to mind is a lecture on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a model of understanding the motivations for different human behaviours and describing the needs which must be met before a person can reach their potential. Understanding this model felt like a light bulb moment for me, not only in terms of understanding my own potential but also how to better support the children that were in my care (and, by extension, their families).

Life doesn’t stop when you’re studying

Just as I was settling into my first year of at uni, juggling work, a child, assignments and everything in between, my life got a little more complicated. I was pregnant. I thought this was the beginning of the end of my journey. I went very teary-eyed to the course leaders expecting the worst. However, I was met with nothing but support and reassurance:

“Emily you’re certainly not the first person to get pregnant while studying and you won’t be the last. Life doesn’t stop and you don’t need to either — we’ll support you through it.”

And boy, did they. I gave birth to my son in the December break — I was exclusively breastfeeding, so wherever my boobs went so did he! At the start of term I returned to class with my tiny ‘plus one’. Every lecture, tutorial and trip to the University Library he was there — and I couldn’t have felt more welcomed and supported.

I’ll be honest, it was absolutely, totally knackering — but I did it! I completed my third year and proudly attended graduation from the foundation level of the course, thinking about the next chapter of my university journey and certain that it surely couldn’t get any worse.

Never say it can’t get any worse

In the fourth year of the course things get serious, everything you’re doing is leading towards the ‘big one’ — a 10,000 word dissertation. With the ability to now choose from a selection of modules you can take your studies into a direction more personal to you. Juggling work, home and studies is a balancing act — sometimes your studies could be your main focus, but at other times family has to come first.

During this time my eldest son was struggling massively at school. I was fighting for support for him, pushing for assessment and an ASD diagnosis. Then life got a little more complicated — I was pregnant again and basically had to repeat the whole process, with the baby being born in December (also again), coming with me to uni and keeping me up all night crying, eating, and typing — whilst I was also still mummy to my two other boys.

It was hard…but I kept going.

The straw that broke everything

The time had come to start planning my dissertation — gathering my ideas, preparing a presentation and starting to research. It seemed doable…but then lockdown hit, everyone in the family was suddenly at home and all my different worlds collided.

Home became a much smaller, more complicated and more exhausting place — a place for home schooling, working and trying to write a dissertation. Home schooling was overwhelming for a child who didn’t understand what was being asked of him and a parent who didn’t have the knowledge to support or help him. A newborn constantly needing feeding and attention and a toddler wanting to explore the world. Sitting down to read and write every night once the kids were in bed with a tiny baby in my arms feeding, crying, dozing and feeding again.

Something was going to break…and it was me.

I just couldn’t do it anymore, I was so overwhelmed by life I could barely breathe. I stopped everything — no more home school, no more studying. I wrote a long email to my amazing tutor telling her everything, tears running down my face as I typed words that I thought would mean the end of my university journey.

But — it was just a pause. I felt heard. I was responded to with empathy, understanding and overwhelming support, whilst the LLC team also ensured I did everything I needed to do to prevent my journey from ending there. Allowing me time to deal with everything else around me, gently nudging me in the right direction to finish what I’d started.

And that’s what I did, eventually.

The end is nigh

Two years later than my original coursemates, I graduated with a BA (Honours) in Child and Family Studies. Walking up to collect my degree certificate I was flooded with a range of emotions. But the strongest and most overwhelming was pride — and nothing could take that away from me.

Despite everything I’d made it to the end. My time at university had taught me so much about myself and what I’m capable of. I really do believe anyone can go to university, and if you’re considering it as an option for yourself all I can say is — do it!

A note from us here at the LLC: alongside her other talents, Emily is also a talented musician and poet.

She’s written a song describing her university experience, which we think is a fun and honest reflection on the chance mature students take when returning to education — and play the game of ‘Uniopoly’!

She’s also written this fabulous poem, addressed to anyone who’s thinking about returning to education — you can listen to Emily reciting it below:

If you’re feeling inspired by Emily’s story and would like to find out more about your options, why not get in touch with us?

We can provide free and impartial educational advice and guidance, and can also arrange for you to speak with the relevant teaching staff if you’re interested in one of our courses in particular.