Teri: Summer 2018
Class of 2007 and Class of 2013 for her PhD, Teri moved from New Zealand to Montreal with her partner and is currently working at an edtech startup
Health: 8/10
My mental health is the best it’s ever been because I’m feeling the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, and the fact that I’m feeling good is a testament to the work I’ve put into my mental health over the past decade. I’m prone to depression and anxiety, so moving to the other side of the world should have freaked me out and it’s not. It’s amazing to see that even in situations where I’m out of my comfort zone, I feel good, because of my nine years of intensive psychotherapy. I’m also glad I did that in my twenties when I had no dependents and had space to focus on my own wellbeing.
Physically, my genetics have decided that I will be a tall, large woman, so for me physical health is less about dress size and more about supporting my mental health goals. I bike to work, gym/swim 5 nights a week, I walk a lot, I make sure to get plenty of fresh air, and I eat well. Right now I’m doing “dry June” so I haven’t had alcohol in a couple of weeks.
Now that I’m in my 30s, as a woman my body starts to scream “why are you not reproducing.” My boobs get big and sore, my hips widen, my hormones go nuts, and it’s very bizarre.
Spiritually, I’m not religious but I believe that there’s something bigger than me that has my back. I believe in a lot of new age spirituality like the law of attraction. I literally manifested the life I have right now, in particular my partner (and now fiancee). When I was 29, after a series of men that were bad fits, I wrote down what I wanted and put it out in the universe — and that person is now my partner. More and more I’m seeing that I can impact my future through intentional thinking.
Work: 7/10
The move to Montreal meant a significant professional step back for me, which I knew was going to happen because of the language barrier and my visa. I can’t work in a university here. Through a process of “shit, I need a job”, I fell into my current role at this startup. Initially I saw this as a stepping stone to get into a university, but now I’m so glad I came here, both for the professional network access and for my mental health. My situation right now is allowing my health to improve, and that is much more important to me. I see this as I took a step back to launch forward.
I don’t know the timeline for the next step, but for now the autonomy, the mission, the people I work with, are all great fits for me. The money could be worse, living in Montreal has its financial perks.
In addition to that, I have two personal projects — to write a book and to learn French. In this case I am my own worst enemy, it’s the one thing I can’t motivate myself at the moment.
Play: 8/10
There’s still a large element of exploration because I’m in a new city. There’s a lot of firsts — first time going to jazz festival, first time hiking up Mont St. Hilaire, and every weekend we bike somewhere new. Socializing with friends is also part of that exploration process, as well as going to the cinema by myself.
Play has changed since I turned 30. Money has to go to different places, my body is crying out for self care, so play is equally as fun, just different. I’m willing to sacrifice my play to make sure my health and work are good.
Love: 8/10
Well, I’m getting married to the love of my life. He is amazing and we’ve been together now for 5 years. Montreal is a very elaborate exercise in compromise for us. I resented him last year for this move because it meant for me a big step back professionally and socially, but now that we’ve been here for a year I have absolutely no question that he’s the person. Interestingly, our choice to elope makes it clear to me that it’s him I want to be with. That’s the one thing I’m not stressed about — him.
One thing we both need to work on is prioritizing our relationship. We’ll often say yes to other opportunities to spend time with people or do things that sometimes we forget to be in the moment, alone.
Friends and family is a really conflicted feeling for me at the moment, because anyone in the first three decades of my life is a 30 hour flight away. It’s a constant pull from the life I had and this new life, and it’s exhausting trying to keep up with both. My friendships are changing a lot at the moment, and I’m starting to discover the genuine friendships that are thriving without me being in the same city. My familiar relationships have strengthened because we’ve having fewer, but more meaningful, interactions.
Let me contextualize this
This is one candid snapshot from a chronicle of a few people’s post-graduate journeys. Some of us graduated Class of 2017. Others, a few years out. Each of us are on an unmapped journey to somewhere, optimistic that the dots will somehow connect in the future.
My hope to you is that when you follow along with our stories you will find comfort in the intentional randomness of life, and find courage in your own seemingly “monumentous” decisions.
The format will be simple — every four months, I will ask each post-grad to gauge 4 areas of their life (as inspired by the highly recommended book Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans):
- Health (physical, mental, spiritual)
- Work (9–5, side projects)
- Play (things you do purely for fun)
- Love (from you and to you)
