Conversations with the fetus inside my uterus
Published in
3 min readNov 22, 2018
This little dude hasn’t even been born yet, and he’s already got opinions!
3 am
…Rumble, Rumble…
Fetus: “Pssst”
Me: “What?”
Fetus: “We should eat something.”
Me: “You mean I should eat something.”
Fetus: “Exactly.”
Me: “It’s 3 am!”
Fetus: “So?”
Me: “We’re at my parents house. There aren’t a lot of options.”
Fetus: “Try me.”
Me: “Cheerios. Toast. Velveeta. Canned beans.”
Fetus: “Are you trying to make me make you vomit?”
Me: “I’m just saying, they don’t have stashes of midnight snack material like our house.”
Fetus: “What about those cinnamon rolls I smelled?”
Me: “All gone.”
Fetus: “Goddammit!”
Me: “Language!”
(Rumble…)
Me: “So, can we just go back to sleep and wait till breakfast in the morning?”
Fetus: “You’re a terrible mother.”
Me: “Love you, too.”
