Life’s Funny
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Life’s Funny

Help! My Fiance is a Mix of My Entire Family

When I saw his watch, learned what his degree was and heard his advice, I thought my grandfather was sending me a sign…

Photo by James Besser on Unsplash

We don’t get to choose our families, and for the sake of argument, with one exception, I was born into one of the best (for me anyway). I’m grateful for that everyday. However, when I realized that my fiance has characteristics that envelope each of them, it stirred mixed emotions.

I had a really hard time accepting my grandfather’s loss when I was 13. I felt he died too early and I missed his wisdom, his strength and his heart. I still feel the void after 20 years.

When I met Randy, I noticed his watch, a cousin of one that my grandfather wore every day in his 70s. We discussed college degrees, and he had studied broadcast journalism- the 1990s version of what my grandfather studied. I asked him for some advice related to work: his advice was straight shooting and clear.

I wasn’t booking a church or even a dinner table, but I was glad to know that there were people out there who reminded me of the grandfather I still mourn.

Eight months later, he still reminds me of my grandfather (in a non-Freudian way of course). He has a lot of Don characteristics, including his temperment. I consider that a sign that I’m supposed to be with him.

And then one day he opened his mouth and my grandmother came out…

My fiance has more faith and belief in me than I sometimes have in myself. He gives pep talks as needed and does everything he can to affirm me. One day I was frustrated with writing, and he got ready to give me a pep talk. Only I didn’t hear the words in his voice but in her’s. Everything he told me matched up with what she would have told me if she was still alive.

I was grateful until my mother opened her mouth…

My mother began to like Randy from the beginning. He knew church was important to her and decided that getting to know her meant showing up at 10 am on a Sunday morning. She liked how he made sure I was safe and even bought me tickets to see sporting events and paid for dinner. She loved the fact that someone was finally treating her daughter correctly.

As the months have passed, her fondness for Randy grew. She approves of my marrying him and loves who he is as a person. Which is good.

Until the day when I was driving and she blurted out Randy and I have the same personality. I hadn’t considered this viewpoint before.

She pointed to similarities in temperment, work ethic and the hobbies they are naturally inclined to.

My only response… they’re both born in September, are they the same sign? I didn’t put much stalk into horoscopes, but sometimes the characteristics of a sign are correct. Turns out they’re different signs but something to be aware of…

But then he started talking about financials and bathroom excursions…

I looked at him as if he was alien. That’s the same language my Aunt uses. Come to think of it, they both spend undisclosed amounts of money on their hobbies (her crafting and his sports). They both have solid financial plans for the next five years which is a good thing in my eyes. However, when he started talking about using the bathroom and describing it, I didn’t think of him as being childish. I had heard most of the descriptions from my Aunt. It’s at this point that I began to panic.

One more thing… the one exception… he’s like him too…

I don’t have a relationship with my biological father. I decided at age 21 that I was done. Done with the verbal assualts and the words that cut deeper than knives. Done with any type of abuse. I cut him completely out of my life.

Randy is the exact oppostite. He’s gotten angry with me, sure. He’s questioned a few decisions I’ve made. Yet he knows if he goes too far, I’ll leave him.

The way that he’s like my father is the gambling. For 33 years, I played at the casino maybe twice. Once in West Virginia where I lost five dollars. Another time in Canada, because it was an experience I never thought that I’d be able to have again.

When I met Randy, I asked him what he did on the weekends. The times he wasn’t watching professional or collegiate sports (also my father’s hobby), he was at the local casino. I was a little worried that he would become like my father if he faced a bad day at the machines.

However, he’s used the casino as a stress reliever. He plays with only the money he can afford to lose, plus any free slot play he has because he’s a member. I have heard him use the term “casino therapy”.

What I have never seen him do is get angry at me for not winning. Trust me, I don’t have good luck at the machines. He’s never gotten angry with me when I go away with a $20 and come back with a quarter.

He’s confident he’ll win it back. If he doesn’t, well he came in with a budget. He usually leaves under budget.

What makes this interesting to me…

I’m a person who is a complete introvert. One of the reasons I fell in love with writing in the first place was because it could speak on my behalf. It’s much easier to be behind a screen talking to people I don’t know than to meet people face to face.

I’ve also always felt at home with Randy. When we had been dating for a couple of months, I felt like I had known him longer. I never really worried too much about feeling uncomfortable or insecure with him. I think I may know the reason why after contemplation.

However, how rare is it to find someone who in some way matches your entire family? I can understand one or two relatives. However, to incorporate all of them in some way or another?

It speaks to how lucky I am, even though I find humor in the situation. It’s true that I’ll always have a part of each family member with me. However, I’ll also have the gift of having a piece of their personality next to me as we walk through life.



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