Zumba And The Crisis Of Boredom

Marcus Faalepo
Nov 7, 2019 · 3 min read

Ladies, is Zumba as boring for you to do as it is for men to watch? Now, I don’t mean to be crass. You’re not doing it for us to watch, but if there’s a big group of women somewhere, especially a big group of dancing women somewhere, the men who are not participating are probably going to look. Speaking as a man who has looked, I’ve seen a variety of moods through the faces you all make when you’re doing Zumba.

The funniest I’ve come across, by far, is boredom.

Why is it hilarious seeing a woman give unenthusiastic high knees? To music, at that. Maybe she’s imagining what kind of sandwich to get after the session because Subway is the only restaurant in the food court that’s open that early. Anyway, let me set the scene:

Young man arrives at the mall on a Saturday morning to hang out before the start of his shift. He hears loud music coming from the center of the mall. Gets closer to the source of the noise and discovers a sea of middle-aged women dancing. Figures out that this is the Zumba class that takes place every Saturday. He looks through the crowd and sees a couple of ladies are not even putting forth any effort; and this session has already been going on for a while. They do not look tired. They look sleepy; like they’d much rather be anywhere but here right now.

My old job was at the mall. Well, right outside of the mall, but I liked going through the building to get to the job. It was a typical California Saturday; a warm, summer morning. Resignation on my face, I entered.

The first thing I hear is loud, thumping music. Then a man yelling into a speaker. Jesus Christ, it is too early for this. Mind you, where I enter is considered the back of the mall. The noise was coming from the center; the food court; the front entrance. Curious, I followed the music and found about 20 or so middle-aged women, dancing…or gyrating.

Whatever, Zumba was in full effect and I was thoroughly disinterested. I was, however, hungry so I walked briskly to Subway for a crappy sandwich. On my way, I caught a glance or two at the ladies, and amid the chaos, were women with this face:

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐

Now I don’t know about you, but when I exercise, I make faces like these:

😟😥😤🥵😡🤬☹️🤢🤮🥺😭🤕

So first off, those ladies are terminators. Keeping a blank face while exercising is impressive. Second, if they didn’t want to be there, why not just stay home? Zumba is not a challenge for you ma’am, go pick up P90X.

All kidding aside, it was just hilarious to see the ladies, who were clearly not trying to be there, just be there. For what? I don’t know. I do know what it’s like to not wanna be somewhere, like that old job by the mall; but dragging yourself up there anyway, out of necessity, or commitment, or both, or none. I felt their faces in my soul.

Life’s Funny

Marcus Faalepo

Written by

Fifth grade spelling-bee champion. Your mother’s favorite Samoan dish. Co-host of The Polytickin’ Podcast.

Life’s Funny

Documenting life’s absurdities. Life IS funny, but not always in a “haha” kind of way :) Let’s hear your stories!

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