10 Things You Need to Know About Pride
Earlier this year, I was at home helping my family move. We desperately needed to get rid of some furniture, so I volunteered to sell our stuff on Craigslist. On the first day, I sold my childhood dresser for $40.
“Good for me!”, I thought. “I have always been good at selling stuff.”
Exhale.
“I must have picked the perfect price — that’s why it sold so quickly!”
Inhale. Exhale.
“I’m going to save my family so much time and money.”
More air rushes inside and inflates the space.
While I was congratulating myself, my mom walked in. I told her how quickly I made the sale.
Her smile disappeared. “You only got $40?”
Air begins to leak out.
“Does she think she knows better than me!?”
My stomach churned. My body grew tense. I tried to explain.
“It’s actually good that it sold this fast.”
Exhale.
“You should be glad I even got this much.”
Inhale. Exhale.
“Mom, I’ve sold things before. I know what I’m doing.”
And finally,
“If you think you can do better, sell them yourself!” I retreated to my room.
Pop.
Pride is like a balloon waiting to explode. It causes me to treat people poorly even when I know it’s wrong. But if we understand why pride occurs, we can learn to identify it. We can chose a different path.
We can do what we think is right.
We can live by what we believe.
Why did this happen?
1. Pride has ‘I’ at the center
Pride is an ultimate preoccupation with myself. It has an inflated opinion of my achievements, skills, and importance. Sometimes it starts with a simple story I tell myself about my own greatness.
2. Pride demands power
Pride exists because it feels good to believe that I am great. I will do anything to get that feeling and protect it. This demand for power shows up in different forms:
I have to be important. I must get respect.
I have to get credit and what I ‘deserve’.
I must get attention.
I have to be independent.
I have to be right.
It’s not wrong to want these things. But when we demand them it gets destructive.
3. Pride divides relationships
We can see from our story that many of the actions that “protect” our pride actually drive people away. If I focus on defending myself, I can’t get close to anyone. In exchange for keeping my pride, I destroy my relationships.
But not you.
You will do what you think is right.
You will live by what you believe.
Here are a few signs that tell us pride is near.
How will we identify pride?
4. Pride sounds like..
Like the squealing of a deflating balloon, pride has a distinct sounds as well. If we pay attention, we can hear pride in our thoughts. See if you can find the hidden motivation behind the thoughts below.
Intelligence
“Does she think she knows better than me!?”
I must show you that I’m right.
Importance
“You think you can make me do your work!?”
I will not let you think I’m here to serve you.
“I can’t let him walk all over me!”
I will NOT let you think you’re better than me.
Credit
“They don’t appreciate me. I HAVE to leave.”
I need to show everyone I am better than this.
Attention
“Why are we only talking about you!?!”
Let’s talk about me!
Independence
“I will not let you control me!”
I must be self-sufficient.
We can see that prideful thoughts demand that my achievements, skills, and importance are recognized. These thoughts sound afraid that someone else would even think they are superior to me.
And this is just the beginning.
5. Pride feels like..
When I focus on the thoughts above, I start to feel a certain way. My stomach tightens and my body gets tense as I try to stop my prideful balloon from deflating. And the emotions follow. Now I’m irritated. I’m offended. I’m angry.
Nothing good can come from feeling like this.
6. Pride acts like..
Now, I act. I do whatever it takes to protect my pride. I defend myself, even when I’m wrong. I retaliate by insulting you as well. Or, I distance myself from you. I can’t be around anyone who doesn’t think highly of me.
What should we do?
7. Understand Pride
If we want to live by what we believe, we first need to know the belief that drives pride. It’s simple.
“I am great because of my…”
You can finish this sentence with anything: looks, achievements, education.
Stop.
We’ve just made a huge assumption. Did you catch it?
For these things to make me great, I must have earned them.
8. Remember What You’ve Been Given
To find out what you believe, you must answer one question:
Did I really earn everything I have?
Did you receive opportunities that helped you get to this point?
Did you make mistakes that were thankfully forgiven?
Do you have a great family or good genes?
We didn’t always deserve these things. But we have them.
When we remember that we’ve been given a lot, it strips away the basis of our pride.
And that changes everything.
Here’s an example. When pride appears in my thoughts, I remember what I believe: “Everything I have comes from God. My skills, achievements, and ‘importance’ are a gift from him.” I do work hard. But I’m working with what I was given. Even my opinions are based on experiences that I didn’t create. If what I have is a gift, do I really have to defend my pride? Should I judge you for not having those gifts?
No. It’s clear how I should act.
9. Be Humble
When pride appears in our thoughts, we’ll instead think about what we’ve been given. We’ll be grateful. And then we will act like we didn’t earn everything we have.
Now we can serve.
We can admit when we’re wrong.
We can understand instead of retaliate.
We can be humble.
10. Benefits of Humility
There’s freedom in humility. We know we’re not perfect, so there’s no need to hide our mistakes. We get to relate to others. And since we don’t have to retaliate, we can chose to understand. This draws people in, instead of pushing them away. Sometimes, people will actually praise us for acting humbly. So now we are given credit, instead of clawing for it.
When we let the air out of our prideful balloons, we realize there wasn’t much in there at all.
Just remember to..
- Look for pride in your thoughts, feelings, and actions. We use a method here to keep track of that.
- In these moments, remember what you’ve been given and be grateful.
- Act like you didn’t earn everything you have. Be Humble
Catch yourself in pride this week? Send your thoughts to thoughts@getroadmap.co We’d love to hear from you.
Join us next time as we tackle another toxic thought pattern, lust.
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