How to Overcome Jealousy and Celebrate Friends’ Success
“You in there?”
My roommate cracked open my door.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“I saw Mike today, he wanted to know how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine.”
But of course, I wasn’t.
You see, a few weeks ago we went on a school trip and met these three girls. Two of them had a crush on Mike, and the other wanted nothing to do with me. So now I was trying to hide my jealousy. And my friends were forced to play messenger.
“Alright man, goodnight!”
I said a little prayer and closed my eyes.
One sleepless hour later.
Wouldn’t it be nice if Mike and Judy broke up?
Wait..what? I mean, I don’t want that.
But, he got the girl! What do you have?
..school is going well.
Wow, you sound pathetic.
I’ve got family..
And, I do have good friends.
Up until last week, I had a best friend.
Is that it?
My head sunk back into the pillow.
See? You don’t have anything!
I repeated my list again.
And again.
And again.
Well, winter break with the family was fun. So Thank God for that..
Drinking hot chocolate, watching movies, exchanging gifts
We even got snow on Christmas day.
So what? You still don’t hav —
And I’m glad my friends moved in with me last semester.
Now we’re always laughing about something around here.
There’s never a dull moment.
Sure, but Mike has a gir —
These past few months have actually been pretty good.
And who knows..maybe Judy has a sister!
Now I was grinning.
“What just happened?”
Nothing had changed. Mike was still dating Judy. And I still wasn’t dating anyone.
But I felt better.
It was good to know that I had “something”. Quite a bit, actually.
I guess that was always true.
I just forgot.
Three years later, Mike and I are still best friends. In fact, he edited the post you’re reading.
But this wasn’t last time I got jealous.
And I’m glad for that.
I needed a few (hundred) attempts to recognize the signs of jealousy. Now when I see them, I have a chance to choose differently.
And so will you.
Watch Out For Signs of Jealousy
SIGN #1: Thoughts
Jealousy always begins with a comparison that sounds like this:
“Why does he have that and I don’t?”
“Why does she like him and not me?”
“He has it all, and I have nothing!“
SIGN #2: Feelings
You know what’s next. I burn with desire for what you have. I’m angry. I’m jealous.
SIGN #3: Actions
So I avoid you. I downplay your success. Or I try to get what you have.
Write Down One Thing You’re Thankful For
Last time, we saw the lie jealousy tells us:
“If they have this and I don’t, then they are better than me.”
But it’s not true. We have much more than that one thing. Sometimes, we just forget.
If you see signs of jealousy, you’ll need to have an answer for this question:
What am I thankful for?
You can write about friends, family, an experience, or even a favorite purchase. The more the merrier.
When we focus on what we have, it will drown out the voice of jealousy.
Celebrate Your Friends’ Success
Now we can celebrate with our friends.
And soon, they will feel free to celebrate our success too.
Instead of hiding away in jealousy, we’ll have people who want to see us succeed.
Just remember to..
Write one thing you’re thankful for. If you see any of our signs, you know what to do. Focus on what you have. And try to celebrate with your friends.
Join us next time as we tackle another toxic thought pattern, assuming the worst.
