Why Believing This Lie Will Make You Jealous
“I enjoy when my friends succeed.”
This was a phrase I usually said with confidence.
But all it took was 12 hours, 3 nice girls, and 1 rejection to send me into a fit of jealousy.
I want to tell you the story of how I overcame it all. Unfortunately, this isn’t the one.
It was a cold, cloudy night in the spring of 2013. My best friend Mike and I were in DC for a school trip. And while we were there, we met three girls. Let’s call them Judy, Sally, and Amelia.
“It’s over here!”
We hurried inside an Irish pub to escape the frigid air. Soon, everyone was having a great time talking and laughing.
They are such nice girls, I’m so glad we met them!
Then, I looked up at Judy. Her eyes were locked on Mike.
Oh, good for him.
I glanced over at Sally. Sally was also staring at Mike.
Finally, I turned to Amelia. But she was looking elsewhere.
I looked down at my cup.
Mike and I got dinner later that day.
“I think Judy is pretty cool. What do you think?”
“Yeah I think she li — “
What are you doing?
What? Judy likes Mike and he likes her. Sally likes him too.
You don’t get it do you?
They both like him…and not you.
A knot started to form in my stomach.
“So, what do you think?”
“She’s ok I guess.”
When we got home the next day, Mike asked Judy out.
“We’re getting dinner later this week!”
The knot tightened.
“Oh! That’s uh..that’s great!”
Is that the best you can do?
Maybe I’ll ask out Amelia.
That’s more like it.
5 Minutes Later.
“Um….no. But thanks for asking!”
Wow, seems nobody likes you after all.
Why do they like him and not you?
The knot snapped.
Now I was furious. And then my phone buzzed.
Aha, maybe Amelia changed her mind!
“Do you want to grab lunch?” — Mike
“Sorry, I’m busy..”
This was our dialogue for the next two weeks.
Why did this happen?
Jealousy tells us a tiny lie that sounds like this:
“If you have this and I don’t, then you are better than me.”
It’s small, but causes a lot of damage. Just watch.
Jealousy Destroys Relationships
Our little jealous lie destroys relationships by telling us that we are worthless if we don’t have what they do.
Just look at our story.
I soon became afraid of those girls liking Mike. Because if they do, “he is better than me.”
But there’s more.
His success was now bad for me.
And I couldn’t stand to be around him.
So instead of being friends, he became my enemy.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Now that we understand why jealousy happens, we can learn to identify and overcome it.
We don’t have to follow the lie jealously tells.
We can live by what we believe.
We can be people who celebrate our friend’s success.
And when we do, we’ll become the best version of ourselves.
Jealousy tells a little lie: “If you have this and I don’t, you are better than me.” When we believe it, it turns our friends into enemies and destroys our relationships.
Next time we’ll see how to identify that lie and disarm it.