Trading Guilt for Growth: My Journey to Healthier Emotions
There’s something undeniably human about the way we reach for comfort in our lowest moments. For me, those comforts used to come in the form of food and shopping. I still remember nights when I’d find myself on the couch, an empty pint of ice cream in one hand and chocolate wrappers that looked like they’d been left behind by a very determined, very hungry tornado…
The TV flickered in the background, but I wasn’t really watching. I was too wrapped up in the numbing routine of spoon to mouth, hoping each bite would somehow dissolve the ache of disappointment or smooth over the jagged edges of anger that I didn’t know how to express.
And then there were the shopping sprees.
Oh, those glorious moments when a new dress or pair of shoes seemed like the answer to everything. I’d sit at my computer, adding items to my cart, feeling a rush of excitement with each click. But soon after the package arrived, the thrill was gone, replaced by a nagging sense of guilt and the realisation that I was just trying to buy my way out of feelings that couldn’t be bought off.
Looking back, it’s almost laughable how I thought these quick fixes would make things better. But that’s the tricky thing about maladaptive coping mechanisms — they lure you in with the promise of relief, only to leave you feeling worse than before. It took me a while to see it, but I knew something had to change once I did.
First Step… Recognising the Patterns
Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it… But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected, and is liable to burst forth suddenly in a moment of unawareness. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions
— Carl Jung, C.W. Vol. 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East
There wasn’t a dramatic moment of epiphany for me — no grand realisation where everything suddenly made sense. I remember one specific evening, sitting in front of my computer, about to purchase yet another pair of shoes that I didn't need. As I hovered over the "buy now" button, something in me hesitated. I wasn't sure what I was feeling - sadness, loneliness, anger? - but I knew that no pair of shoes, no eye cream, no summery dress, was going to fix it.
That hesitation, that brief pause, was the beginning of something new. I started to become more aware of these moments, noticing the patterns in my behaviour. Each time I reached for food or opened a shopping site, I tried to ask myself, What am I really looking for?
The answers weren’t always clear, and I didn’t always manage to resist the urge (I am still not always resisting, but that’s part of being human).
But that small act of questioning, of creating just a little bit of space between the impulse and the action, made all the difference. It was the first step toward trading guilt for growth.
How I found my Way to Healthier Habits
Over time, I replaced those old, unhelpful habits with ones that nurtured me. Instead of turning to food when I felt stressed or disappointed, I went for longer with my dogs. There’s something incredibly soothing about the simplicity of walking, the rhythm of your footsteps, the fresh air filling your lungs, the way the world seems to slow down. My dogs, with their endless enthusiasm and boundless love, reminded me that there’s more to life than the things that upset me. There is more than consuming to filling a void.
Taking a hot shower became another ritual of self-care. There’s a certain magic in the warmth of the water, the way it cascades over your skin, washing away the mental and emotional weight you’ve been carrying. I found that these moments of solitude under the shower gave me space to breathe, to reflect, to let go.
I also began meditating. At first, it was just a few minutes here and there, but gradually, it became a cornerstone of my day. Lighting a candle, focusing on my breath, and just sitting with my thoughts — even the uncomfortable ones — helped me find a sense of calm that I had been chasing in all the wrong places. It wasn’t always easy, but it was real, and it was lasting.
The Stories of Others: Small Changes, Big Impact
I’m not alone in this journey of shifting from unhealthy coping mechanisms to healthier habits.
And if you’re on this journey right now, know that you’re not alone either! It’s a path that many people walk — some just become more aware of what has to change than others.
Many of us are finding our own unique ways to manage stress and emotions. What works for one person might not work for another. Explore and discover what truly resonates with you.
Some people find peace in nature, much like a friend of mine who swapped her retail therapy sessions for walks in the park. Instead of heading to the mall after a tough day, she began spending her time among the trees, listening to the birds, and soaking in the quiet beauty around her. The shift wasn’t instant, but over time, the urge to shop faded, replaced by a deeper sense of contentment that material things simply couldn’t provide.
But if walking in the park isn’t your thing, there are countless other ways to bring more mindfulness and healthier habits into your life. Maybe you find joy in creative outlets — painting, writing, or even trying your hand at pottery.
For others, it might be about reconnecting with simple, everyday pleasures. Imagine turning your daily cup of coffee or tea into a mindful ritual — savouring each sip, feeling the warmth of the cup in your hands, and taking a few moments to just breathe. Or maybe it’s about dancing around your living room to your favourite music, letting the rhythm carry away the stress of the day?
And if emotional eating has been your go-to, consider experimenting with mindful eating. Allow yourself to be truly present with your food. Take the time to taste each bite, to notice the textures and flavours, and to listen to your body’s signals of hunger and fullness. It might sound simple, but this practice can transform the way you relate to food, turning meals into an opportunity for nourishment rather than a quick fix for emotional discomfort.
Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all, there rarely is! What matters is that you find what works for you, and that you enjoy the process of discovery. Change doesn’t have to be a chore — it can be an adventure, a chance to try new things, to play, and to find joy in the little moments of life.
These small, consistent choices are what add up over time. It’s not about being perfect, but about making progress. Each step you take towards healthier coping mechanisms brings you closer to a more fulfilling and balanced life. So, whether it’s a walk in the park, a creative hobby, or simply taking a moment to breathe, know that every choice you make is a step in the right direction.
Trading Guilt for Growth
Looking back, I can see how those ice cream and shopping moments were part of a broader pattern of avoiding the real issues. But I don’t dwell on them with shame anymore. I see them as part of my journey, necessary steps on the path to where I am now. I would even say, they were my teacher, and my comfort when I did not know how to handle my emotions differently. Maladaptive, yes, and still comforting when I did not know how to do it “better”.
Growth doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, one that requires patience, introspection, and a willingness to stumble along the way. But with each small step — each walk with my dogs, each mindful moment, each pause before reaching for an old habit — I’m moving closer to a place of true self-care.
So if you ever find yourself sitting with a pint of ice cream or eyeing that “buy now” button, just remember: it’s okay. We all have our moments. But know that you have the power to pause, to reflect, and to choose a different path. One that leads not just to temporary relief, but to lasting peace and growth.
