The higher you go, the cooler it becomes
Those were the words of my geography teacher when I was in secondary school. He was talking about the layers of the atmosphere when he made that statement, and then he further explained how people who live in mountainous regions would usually have colder environments than those residing in non-mountainous areas.
Ideally, the higher you go in an academic program, the "cooler" it should be. Why? Because you are getting used to the whole system, you would have been able to devise a strategy for overcoming any difficulty.
Someone told me:
"Whatever causes you pain, shame, or uneasiness (not sure if it's in that order or those are the exact words, but something in that light), you should let it go.”
In my case, I feel stuck. Here is a thing that I have always wanted, but I need to be in a different environment. People keep telling me to keep pushing; I'm almost there.
But the more I try to move, the more burdened I feel. I have never felt so unlucky in my life. Do you know that unfortunate situation you are in, and there is nothing you can do about it? Or rather, you need to have what it takes to do something about it. Oh no, you are scared to do something about it because it feels like so much is at stake? That's the point I am right now.
The end feels near but yet so far away. I genuinely look forward to the end but want to enjoy the process. I want to immerse myself into the whole experience, I want to be present.
But the more I try, the worse it gets. Do you know what it feels like to long for something so much that the more you long for it, the farther away it gets from you? There are thoughts that I wish I could spew, but nobody will see it the way I do. Some words are best left unsaid.
