The Benefits of Being Humble vs the Pitfalls of Being a Braggart
How being arrogant pushes people away
I’m on the fringe of a social group where there’s a newly minted influencer. Most people in this group are kind, helpful, and humble. But the other day, one person was bragging about his millions of followers, views, and viral posts. Eventually, he mentioned something that I have firsthand experience in, and he doesn’t. This group is an open discussion where people often jump in with personal experiences and help one another. I stepped up to offer advice and got my head bitten off. Why? Because, by offering help, I bruised his fragile ego. It pointed out (to the group) that he doesn’t know everything about everything. This person was outright nasty in both tone and content, and it knocked me on my a$$. The thing is, I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior anymore. From anyone.
I don’t care if you have seven hundred kajillion million followers and your poop actually does smell like Cinnabons, I refuse to be anyone’s punching bag.
Influencers
Unless you’re completely off social media, and if you are, you wouldn’t be reading this: chances are you’ve come across at least one or two influencers. Maybe you’ve even been influenced by them to buy whatever brand they’re in bed with or to take whatever trip they promote. And if they’re good at what they do, their pitches are not salesy, they’re relatable, honest, and helpful.
But if you’ve been on social media for more than a hot second, there’s no doubt you’ve discovered there are two types of influencers. A nice way to define them would be the approachable type versus the unapproachable. A not-so-nice way to define them would be the humble ones versus the braggarts.
Humility
Humble people in all walks of life are like the idiom, “you can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.”
But humility isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone. This I know from personal experience, more on that later. Some people are naturally humble. However, most people, when they get a taste of even one percent of “fame” become “drunk with power”. It’s human nature, but it’s also an ugly trait and one I hope to shed some light on.
First, I want to mention an influencer that has remained humble versus one who has not. I’ve listed several other humble peeps at the bottom of this article.
On Medium there’s Tom Kuegler, of course, there are many more but I’ve worked with Tom a little so I have firsthand experience. Tom is accessible, helpful, and willing. As far as I can tell, he doesn’t have an ego or if he does; he keeps it in check. Because of this, I bought his course, which is very good. He has a slack group and zoom calls and is always willing to answer questions.
There’s another influencer that I will not name (because if I’m not saying something nice about someone, I don’t want to call them out by name) whose class I purchased. They’re big in another sphere, not on Medium, but also offered zoom calls and personal help. But this person was angry and gruff all the time. I gave him a month before I canceled my subscription. This person is well known in his industry, but he doesn’t play nice with his followers. I don’t care how big of a name you are, if you’re mean, I’m out.
On Your Way Up
But what about before you have your audience? When you’re on your way to the top?
It’s the same. I know that people on the way up get excited about how many followers they’re amassing or how many views they’re getting, but when they brag about this (even in a self-deprecating way) it has the opposite effect. No one hears the person saying “this video I put up went viral and got three million views in three hours but it’s not the first time I’ve gone viral” and thinks, “wow, if they can do it so can I”. Or, “isn’t that wonderful for them”.
No one hears the person saying, “I only have three thousand subscribers, which is a lot for me” and thinks, “good for them, I hope they hit ten million soon.” What we, at the bottom hear is, “I’m better than you. I’m more important than you. I’m more loved than you. I’m worth more than you (as a human).”
Braggarts alienate their audience, so why say anything at all? If someone is interested, they can look at your numbers, they’re not hidden.
All this self-important bragging reminds me of the quote: “Sex is like money. If you have it, you don’t talk about it.”
Why wouldn’t it be exactly the same with your Instagram, TikTok, Medium, and YouTube numbers?
The Truly Famous
I grew up in Los Angeles. I was friends with famous people. A-list academy award-winning actors and musicians. And in my experience, the more famous the person was, the nicer they were. Plus, they never bragged.
My Fall
Maybe it hurt so much to be dissed by the newly minted mean influencer because I was a mean girl once.
Several decades back, I was a nominal television personality, and I did not wear the look well. My long back story doesn’t matter here. Over ten hard-working years, I ended up producing, directing, and starring in a fringe network television show.
I started out humble and eventually developed an overly inflated ego. In the end, I crashed down hard from my pedestal of private helicopter rides and playboy mansion parties. And that’s when I truly learned humility.
Safety
I sat on this article for a week before finishing it because I couldn’t put my finger on what the actual issue was. We all encounter bullies, often daily, but they don’t cause us to spin out. This encounter caused me to spin and a few days ago, I realized why. I had felt safe in that social group, one hundred percent safe. I had considered the people in it my allies and I thought my input was valuable. I learned the hard way that this was not the case and I no longer feel safe there. Safety is a huge issue for me. I’ve written about it and will continue to do so. Safety is one of our basic human needs. Not just mine. Everyones. It’s on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs — for crying out loud (pun intended). And if we don’t feel safe somewhere or welcomed or comfortable, it’s not worth being there at all. Even if one incident is “bad”. Even if the good of the group outweighs that one incident, safety trumps all.
Humble, Helpful, Approachable, Amazing Influencers that I Personally Recommend:
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