10 Tragic Reasons Your Favourite Stars Do ‘The Masked Singer’

Check in on your local celebrity, they mightn’t be doing as well as you think.

The below is a comprehensive guide outlining the primary reasons your favourite celebrities opt-in to compete on the Channel Ten reality series, The Masked Singer.

You don’t need to know much about the show itself. People sing. The best voice wins. The worst voice loses. They wear masks. They’re somewhat famous.

It’s important to note that this list doesn’t reflect the values of all participants, but to be honest it’s pretty damn accurate:

• They signed up thinking they were in line for Celebrity Name Game. Unfortunately, that shows been off the air for years — which is crazy, I mean it’s a carbon copy of Family Feud. It’s almost exact replica to be exact! I’ll never understand how CNG can get cancelled after one year, whilst in the same universe, Family Feud has lived consistently in the same 7pm time slot since 1976. This isn’t about me, I know, but someone needs to talk about it!
• They never managed to crack the WOWberry downward distributor market and needed the cash quick. They should have signed up to Celebrity Name Game where contestants can walk away with $10,000 no questions asked! If you’re interested in growing a community of nutro-conscious people, consider signing up to the WOWberry platinum member distributor package and receive 3 cases of WOWberry solution for your own personal use, and just like CNG — no questions asked.
• They have a confusing and troubled Dr. Phil type relationship with dress-ups that extends way back to their early childhood when they were a little ragamuffin watching Richard Dawson grace our screens as host of Family Feud. Anyway, their whole thing was dressing up as anthropomorphic creatures behind closed doors but The Masked Singer gave them an opportunity of public expression that they couldn’t simply pass up.
• They turned down an offer to be on Celebrity Name Game thinking it’d be around for years before it was unjustly ripped from our screens for low numbers which I’d just like to point out is absurd, all my friends were obsessed with the program and that’s like a lot of people right there. Anyway, they won’t make the same mistake with The Masked Singer know you me.
• When they sold their soul to the devil after losing a game of chess alongside an exquisite Spring afternoon on the Balkan coastline, they didn’t read the clause about community service on reality tv. The clause becomes void upon winning a reality show, and so there they are — suiting up on The Masked Singer after two failed romances on Married At First Sight and quick cameo on Big Brother.
• They thought Grant Denyer was host of The Masked Singer, but they got confused with Celebrity Name Game. Come to think of it, Grant Denyer should really be the host of The Masked Singer — his showmanship is unmatched, and his pocket-sized physicality is extremely adorable to the human eye. Imagine him on his tip-toes trying to lift a glittering disco ball mask off Darren Hayes…
• They thought the WOWberry macronutrient invigoration system would sell itself but never anticipated the person-to-person attention it needs. I guess that’s what the people want with their macronutrient invigoration systems — a human touch. You don’t get that from your run of the mill schemes. The Masked Singer provided an avenue for them to peddle berries to overworked production crew.
• They wanted formal recognition that they are ‘indeed’ a celebrity. Sure, it’d have made more sense to go on Celebrity Name Game, but the studios clearly don’t value the marketability of expensive charades. The Masked Singer will have to do.
• The Masked Singer gives celebrities an outlet for them to sexualise foxes, rodentia, emotions and even fruit. It’s a simple pleasure that’s overlooked on almost all other reality shows. Who am I kidding, no it isn’t!
• The Masked Singer is an affiliate of the WOWberry scheme, and what better way preach your product than sing The Cranberries hits weekly from 7pm — 8pm on Channel Ten or wherever you stream your content.
• BONUS REASON: they never thought they’d regret it… fools.

So, there you have it — a somewhat comprehensive guide as to why your favourite D-Listers sign up for The Masked Singer. When you’re next definitely not watching the show, be sure to refrain from asking — “now why the hell would anyone do this?”