Guidelines For Borrowing A USB From The Office

Updated July, 2006

Please read, then re-read, then go back and read again before finishing the whole thing up with another re-read of the below USB guidelines.

Keep in mind that the Oxford Dictionary defines the word ‘borrow’ as: to take and use something that belongs to somebody else (i.e. the minimum wage company that employs you), and return it to them (i.e. the same minimum wage company which sometimes forgets to pay you) at a later time.

Borrowing a USB for 1/2 day

Congratulations! You successfully borrowed and returned the USB in the agreed upon amount of time. You know what, keep it for the remainder of the day. Give yourself a pat on the back, try that Kombucha Susanna’s kid made.

Borrowing a USB for 1 day

I bet you’re pretty stoked that you borrowed and returned the USB in a day, huh? Surely that should count for something? Well, it doesn’t. Please book in a meeting with Susanna in HR.

Borrowing a USB for 1 week

Thanks for returning the USB after one week, even though you agreed to our 1/2 day policy. Expect to hear from Susanna. No kombucha for you.

Borrowing a USB for 1 month

You can kiss the mere thought of having some of Susanna’s kid’s kombucha away after you signed out the USB for a 1/2 day and forgot about it for another 30 days.

Borrowing a USB for a year

Having lost the USB in your 3rd hour of borrowing it, we recommend purchasing the incorrect brand and disk size from a petrol station to use as a replacement but then quickly forgetting about it in your car before giving it to your kombucha obsessed nephew on his 10th birthday.

Borrowing a USB until you’re fired

Don’t worry, you’re not being fired for taking the USB for an indefinite amount of time, you’re being fired for spiking the kombucha. Keep the USB.

Taking a USB

Good for you, have some kombucha!