Our Military Grade Cybernetic Destructo-Bot Has Gone Off The Grid, And We Need You To Invest In A New Cybernetic Destructo-Bot To Fight The One We Lost

Now taking Crypto.

Founded on the ethos of 1001101010100110111, which roughly translates to Conquer Through Technology, our military cybernetic destructo-bot program is a beacon of global supremacy.

The good kind of supremacy! Human ingenuity, infrastructure, the ability to invade at will, and an unwavering power complex were, and still are (despite some hiccups), the core foundational components of our program.

When we first pitched out military grade cybernetic destructo-bot system to CorpTech Sciences in 2009, we understood the risks associated. In that regard, yes — we are compliant.

However, we never (in a million years) thought that a destructo-bot could actually develop rudimentary sentience, unhinge itself from our untested housing system (which has since been tested of which it failed), disconnect from the inbuilt server, reroute our security protocols, and drive the company SUV through the buildings 10ft fortified wall.

UNFORTUNATELY, our inbuilt ‘spill blood’ protocols remained, and said destructo-bot is now terrorizing parts of the West Coast with particular malice towards anyone who has recently purchased fertilizer. For this we ask landscapers to pay particular attention to this warning.

We’ll be the first to admit it — the whole thing has gone tits up.

If you choose to invest in the cybernetic destructo-bot program, CorpTech Sciences will not only be able to develop a new bot that can take out the one we lost, but we’ll also be able to make more advanced augmentations and create an even more fierce product. And trust us, we’ll be sure not to lose this one!

With more money, from you, the consumer, we’ll develop a humanability complex. With a patented bio-tech epidermis layer, we’re going to give our new bot the ability to feel. Every hit, whack and slap our bot inflicts on you will be felt through tiny pain receptors. Our lost destructo-bot is currently rampaging North towards Canada without a single sensory receptor telling it to stop. If it makes its way into Canada before we can build another destructo-bot, then we’re afraid we may lose the fight. As of 2020, regulations forbid CorpTech Sciences from invading Canada in cases such as this. Yes, we’ve been here before.

If you’re reading this and happen to be in Canada, then we suggest you send us some money quick smart before the destructo-bot finds you!

To realistically take down our rogue bot, we’re going to have to skip a few steps in the development process. Instead of making this next generation calculated and subservient, we’re going to have to inject it with volatile nano-juices that will undoubtedly stimulate its synaptic processors. If this sounds dangerous, it’s because it is.

Look, we here at CorpTech Sciences understand that you can only give so much. We’re real. Times are tough. We’re simply asking for $1.2bn to get this next augmented military grade cybernetic destructo-bot up and running.

Once this next bot is mobilised, we won’t ask for anything else, because crime, and in turn, war, will well and truly be on the path of eradication — you’re welcome! We understand that eliminating crime and war will put our bots out of work and we need to keep the money rolling in some way, so, by 2032, we’re hoping to install a food delivery directive in these military bots. How exciting is that?

Feel free to send financial assistance inquiries straight to our Human Resources team, which as of last week is utilising 100% A.I. technology with real empathy code! Details on our website.

This is time sensitive. Protect Canada. Send us money.