Things To Remember When Cleaning Your Ceiling Fan

My ceiling fan, Dennison.

It’s no secret that ceiling fans accumulate vast quantities of dust and unknown debris. It comes with the territory of owning, and in some cases operating, a ceiling fan. And yes, I too find it undoubtedly odd that they manage to acquire such immense volumes of dust given they spend the majority of their lives in motion, yet who am I, ‘the ceiling fan police?’ no, I’m just the regular police.

I find it easier to humanise my ceiling fan, so I’ll be refering to it as Dennison for the remainder of this article. Dennison the ceiling fan.

Here’s a couple of things to remember when cleaning Dennison (remember, Dennison is my ceiling fan):

1. Dennison isn’t a real person, he’s just a ceiling fan.
2. My ceiling fan is named Dennison. You can call your own ceiling fan whatever you’d like. Before my ceiling fan, the only other Dennison I knew was a friend from pre-school. I often think about pre-school Dennison when I speak to ceiling fan Dennison. Speak? I’ve said too much.
3. I find using a ladder helps when cleaning Dennison. Being a ceiling fan, Dennison is attached to the ceiling and I’m not the height of a ceiling. A ladder helps get me to Dennison’s level, which overall leads to a more thorough clean.
4. Be careful when working from heights, Dennison has a funny sense of humor and might spin you right off. We love Dennison though, warts and all. Recapping, Dennison is an inanimate ceiling fan.
5. Sometimes Dennison doesn’t have any dust on him, so by the time you get up there you feel like a right fool. At the end of the day, it’s no harm no foul — you can’t get mad at Dennison, he’s just a ceiling fan.
6. Don’t get too personal with Dennison, remember he isn’t real.
7. Dennison has been known to gaslight from time to time, so it’s best to keep some distance. This isn’t to say you should be too distant, just be wary. Dennison is a ceiling fan, not your friend. It’s important to establish those boundaries.
8. If you have more than one ceiling fan in your house, don’t call them all Dennison. It’ll get confusing for both you and all the Dennison’s. I know Dennison isn’t a real person, he’s just a ceiling fan that can’t experience the feeling of ‘confusion’, but you never truly know and it’s always best to exercise caution.
9. Don’t use a stainless-steel sponge on Dennison in the cleaning process. Apparently the metal edges hurt to the touch. I’d recommend a soft shammy. Anything with bubbles is a plus, or so I’ve heard from the horses mouth.
10. Don’t spin dry Dennison. He’ll be unamused.
11. Don’t get cocky, Dennison doesn’t think about you nearly as much as you think about him.
12. My old pre-school friend Dennison contacted me a few weeks ago. He heard I had been calling my ceiling fan Dennison. I said he shouldn’t dig too deep into it, it’s harmless and I mean nothing by it, I mean there’s really nothing to worry about in the slightest. He wasn’t convinced. I don’t want to make Dennison feel uncomfortable in front of Dennison. I guess there’s really only room for one Dennison… but which one?

I hope the above list helps with your next Dennison clean?