Welcome To Therapy, I’m Also An Influencer

Enough about you…

Hello Mr. Riggs and welcome!

It takes a lot of initiative for you to book this consultation, so congratulations, and while we’re at it, congratulations to me too because I’m an influencer.

So, this is your first time at therapy, yes? Wonderful! Well, don’t fear, there is nothing to be afraid of. We’re simply here to have a conversation and hopefully get to the root of what ails you and also did you know I’m an influencer?

Moving on!

Thank you very much for completing the questionnaire prior to our meeting. It was very helpful. The information you provided will allow us to gauge where you’re at emotionally and should we take a quick selfie? Hashtag therapy — am I right?

In your first response to the questionnaire, that is, to the question, “do you struggle to get out of bed in the morning,” you said — ‘yes.’ That sucks, man.

You should follow my TikTok. I do this one video called “‘Day-In-The-Life” where I show you what my day in the life looks like. You know, running through the day, and the life, of me, for a day. Anyway, in those videos part of my day involves waking up at a reasonable time. It’s super easy for me to get out of bed in the morning — I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Maybe you should try become an influencer.

In question 4 you responded saying you don’t have the best diet. Now, what I gather from that response is that you probably don’t have the best diet. That isn’t good. Like, at all! A bad diet can cause a lot of longer term issues, like bad skin and the inability to be an influencer. I’d recommend following my skin care routine. It’s 7 and 3/4 steps long and takes only 62 and a bit minutes. See, what I do is start with an exfoliate. It’s really important to bring all of those dirt particles and toxins out from your pores. Where I differ as an influencer though is the way I double down with my cleaning routine. I’m not an influencer that just exfoliates once, no! I go again. You want it to burn you see. Really peel the dirt away and I’m an influencer.

Do you have an LED mask? That’s okay, we’ll just add grape water to your roster. It’ll help cleanse the tissue, and we love that. I’m also completely obsessed with Burt’s Bees Facial Cleansing Towelettes for Sensitive Skin (this is an actual thing look it up), so if you can — throw that into the mix. Thank me later and I’m an influencer.

You mention anxiety? Severe anxiety sorry. I feel like this whole thing is really just becoming about you to be honest. My therapist said I should be more truthful with how I feel. It’s been helping me take charge. Anyway, what? You’re anxious — okay, cool — get in line. We all are. Let me show you my recipe for the perfect Summer salad. The secret? I sub in feta for goat’s cheese!

Gahhh, I totally forgot — this session has been live streaming. I hope that’s okay. You get my clout by default. Lucky you. What do you mean you don’t want to be on my live stream? To be honest I wish you’d said something earlier. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think I needed to — didn’t you know I’m an influencer?

Oh, before I forget. I took this photo of me in the bathroom earlier — the lighting was just perfect. What do you think? I like it, but is it too braggy? I don’t want to come off too braggy to my fans. Subscribers, sorry. I guess they are fans though. Ugh, I wish I could turn back the clock to when people didn’t recognise me on the street. Do you ever feel that? Trapped. Wait, before you answer look at this other photo of me — no filter! Well, some filter. But everyone uses filters.

Well, our time’s up! Now, would you prefer to continue with our sessions or would you rather we handle this medicinally? Great, I’ll get the prescription pad.