What Your Indictment Mugshot Says About You

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ARTICLE: Trump’s Mugshot Gallery

Getting your indictment mugshot is a great way to showcase a bit of personality when you’re being accused of a serious crime, but it can also be detrimental to your image — so keep that in mind when your time’s up.

Here’s some don’ts to do to make your mugshot special!

• Don’t smile. It’s kind of weird you’re smiling in an indictment mugshot, but you do look salacious so congrats! There’s something about those pearly white’s that screams one count of racketeering and one count of solicitation. Your $100,000 bond isn’t only justified, it’s well deserved!
• Don’t frown. People will think you’re just some big old grump, and you might smear your tan. If you’re scowling at the camera during your indictment mugshot, you’ll come across as a scrooge — and that has the potential to ruin your image as well as stain some of those sexy charges you’re being indicted on. People look at a big frown and always think, “wow — that person has definitely incited riots, but their main crime is that hairstyle.”
• Don’t look directly at camera. There’s no mystery there and you’re showing your hand. You’ll completely reveal the 13 charges you’re being indicted for and ruin the surprise for everyone. I want to figure out that you committed racketeering, conspiracy, forgery, solicitation and perjury all on my own, I don’t want you to tell me!
• Don’t dye your hair within 10 days. Dying your hair too close to your indictment mugshot can spell disaster, particularly with those police station studio lights beating down on your forehead. Leakage will scream guilt and Revlon might drop you.
• Don’t wear your priest clerical blacks and collar. Jesus can’t save you now.
• Don’t be bald. The lights will reflect off your skull and blind your audience. Indictment mugshots are theatre and we can’t have a blinded audience. This also leads into…
• Don’t wear a wig, it’s tacky. Whilst we’re on the hair theme…
• Don’t comb your ghost white hair perfectly to the right. It’s not original given 98% of mugshots wear their hair this way. All your hard work rigging an election will be for nothing if you let yourself blend into the background, so be original and stand out from the pack with something more vivacious.
• Don’t wear a loose Windsor knot. Take some pride in your indictment mugshot. This is the world stage and people are watching from all corners of the globe. Take the time to look your best, and if that means tightening up your tie — so be it! Be the type of fraudster the world knows you can be!

Indictment mugshots are all everyone who’s anyone is doing these days, so don’t fall behind the eight ball. They’re a great way to showcase a bit of personality against a rough backdrop, so the more do now, the more people will remember your indictment mugshot for generations to come.