What’s It Like To Be Mentored At Lighthouse International?
Want to know what the experience of mentoring is like at Lighthouse International? The idea of entrusting someone else to empower you to face personal and professional challenges that may have dogged you for years is not for the faint-hearted. It takes high levels of courage and trust to do this. At Lighthouse International we were all in the position you may be in as you read this; wanting to make changes in your life, but not knowing where to start. We all made the decision to be mentored in line with what we wanted for our lives and so we take this responsibility seriously as mentors, coaches and counsellors.
Our mission and how that relates to those we help
Our mission is to help conscientious people to overcome the obstacles to realising their God-given potential in order to build optimal value in all areas of their lives. This is so they can always say ‘yes’ to someone in need where they ought say ‘yes’ inside and outside of their own homes.
So how does that look in practice… in the actual lives of those we are now serving? Hear from some of our mentorees below; business owners, career professionals and students. Most of these have been mentored by us for a number of years in areas across life, career, business, family and relationships. Many of our mentorees benefit so much from the experience they even go on to become mentors themselves!
As you will read, each of these individuals has been through a very human experience that has been far from easy. Over the course of the last 18 years of our pioneering journey into discovering human potential, we and those we have helped, have been on the receiving end of criticism. The academic research and our experience have shown that toxic narcissism in family and friends is a major obstacle to someone realising their potential. For instance, when someone lacking confidence starts to legitimately stand up for themselves, it isn’t always popular with people around them who see them as a pushover!
As an organisation and individuals, we have actually grown stronger through facing the criticism and we are using our lessons to help others to handle toxic narcissism from others.
Nassreen Nadat, Personal Development Coach & Mentor
This was my experience and I am still being mentored by Kris at Lighthouse…
Knowing what you want and not knowing how to get it is one of THE most frustrating things a person can feel. For me I have always known I wanted more, I just didn’t know how to get it, I didn’t know where to start, who to ask or what to do. I read dozens of books on topics of personal development, self-improvement, self-esteem, spirituality and success and yet it always felt like there was something missing, I just didn’t know what it was, not until I started working with my mentor at Lighthouse. When I first started working with my mentor I would get annoyed at him for not giving me the answers, I remember telling him ‘just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!’… That’s not how it worked, I had to do the work, sometimes painful, sometimes scary, always challenging. I had to look inward, find my demons and face them, take responsibility for my failures and mistakes and own them, learn painful lessons and make painful mistakes but now I look back and the one thing I wish I could have told myself is… ‘don’t resist it’, I can see how resisting slowed me down but that’s how we learn… I have grown in ways I cannot even begin to describe. My relationship with myself has improved, relationships with friends and family too, I have met my husband who is the love of my life and I have finally made the step to follow my heart and begin building my own dream business with the intention of helping others achieve what I have and more. Having a mentor who is rooted in principle and who is committed to truth and reality has helped me connect to myself and shed the masks I felt I had to wear through life just to be accepted, liked, masks to fit in and play the part.
Having a mentor like Kris has helped me be more and more clear each day on who I want to be and the impact I want to make on the world. Yes it’s been tough but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have gained not just a mentor but a true friend who I know will always keep me real.
Thinking back on our journey together sometimes it feels unreal but in the most amazing way. Thinking back, I can now see how much I’ve grown and for your part in my journey, I am so very grateful. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I had just kept going my own way… Most likely I’d still be searching for meaning and purpose instead of looking for opportunities each day to live in meaningful and purposeful ways.
Tendy St Francis, Architect
I dreamed of having a mentor for a long time. I saw a mentor as someone in my career field who would be like a guardian, giving advice and support as I developed my career. I had mental health struggles during my studies and was lucky enough to get one year of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which involved a combination of group therapy and one to one sessions with a psychiatrist. After the course finished I was much improved but the skills I learnt quickly dissipated and I found a new slightly better normal.
Years later I finally qualified as an Architect. The stress of studying was removed, but facing the reality of being an architect, I felt lost. I struggled to find meaning in what I spent 14 years striving for. I struggled to live a life that didn’t match up to expectations I barely knew I had. My sister introduced me to a book by Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Although meaningful, I struggled to commit to working through it. That’s when I joined the Lighthouse 7 Habits reading group and soon got a Lighthouse mentor.
My experience of mentoring over the last year has been eye, heart and mind opening. It’s been incredible to experience developing an open, caring, stable relationship with someone. To feel supported but know that this person will see through my bullshit. To again and again have the person show care when others in my past (parents, teachers, leaders) would have scolded.
Being mentored has been like having an older and wiser brother guide me by supporting me in choosing my path and helping me pause and see for myself when I am going wrong. The process has been a combination of working on my life vision (relationships, career, service etc) and digging into how I see myself and the roots of my self limiting beliefs.
Over the past year, the level of direction has become less but the support has grown where I need it most, for example having accountability check-ins to help me get the things I want to do done. The way Jai (my mentor) and I have worked together has been organic and driven by what I want to focus on and related areas.
Being mentored by Jai has been more powerful because of having The 7 Habits as the foundation. The 7 Habits are based on natural laws, unchangeable principles that are the framework of nature and life processes. Having a mentor who is working and growing based on the same principles I’m striving for, is like having an agreement in the way we work together.
Every day I’m learning that being truly open and honest with yourself, then sharing honestly with your mentor is the key to continued growth. This is also the most challenging part of mentorship. There have been areas I have struggled to examine alone, let alone share, discuss and be open to external input. Doing this again and again has helped me know myself better and value myself more.
How has mentoring changed my life? I have been empowered to make changes externally. I have learnt to stand up for myself, fighting and over-turning parking tickets, requesting and getting pay rises (even during lockdown when staff were furloughed), standing up to my family and setting boundaries in personal relationships. The biggest change has been internal. It’s amazing how your worldview changes when you start clearing the emotional gunk from your mind, heart and spirit. Before mentorship, when I caught a glimpse of my potential I felt small and overwhelmed. Now I feel excited and can see practical steps to achieving my dream of serving communities in rural Africa through architecture.
Marya, PhD Student
My experience of being mentored by Lighthouse involved developing self-awareness in understanding my own capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, and factors influencing my perception of myself. I came across my current mentor, Daniel, during my journey of self-exploration not really knowing what I was looking for or why but just exploring different avenues I had not before. I was looking for some answers to know how I went from being a happy and joyous kid full of life belonging to an apparently normal family of professional parents with three kids to gradually losing my sense of self and developing various psychosomatic illnesses.
If you met me then, you wouldn’t be able to tell what I was going through because, like many others, I had become adept at acting and keeping up an appearance to everyone within and outside my family. From time to time that mask would fade as I would cry on my own or make impulsive decisions that I didn’t think I would’ve when I grew up.
I started mentoring just to try it out, as I had so many other things, having carefully moved away from thrill-seeking activities such as bungee jumping to get rid of the searing disconnect I felt on a daily basis. It took me a few weeks after speaking to Daniel to actually open up about what I had been experiencing, especially the two breakdowns I had experienced so far that had me thinking there was something very wrong with me. Or at least that’s what I had been made to think by my parents and ‘family’. It was only after I did that, that my eyes opened up to see the reality of how my parents’ increasing inability to see me as an individual and my adaptation to them rather than the other way around was leading to these repeated instances of breakdowns. I was trauma bonded to my parents, and in an effort to see them as faultless, was seeing myself as the one at fault and the rest of the world with it. Hence, I felt disconnected not only from myself but from everyone outside my family.
It wasn’t them struggling to keep the family together, it was me sacrificing my own sense of self to make them feel more sane and like they had a life purpose, me and their ‘family’. Understanding when and how this happened, has been the mainstay of my interactions with Daniel.
It’s interesting how understanding and gradually coming to accept this painful reality released me from years of inescapable pain. This was concomitantly followed by an ever-increasing sense of energy, focus, clarity, and connection with people inside and outside work as well as strangers in cafes. I also started a women’s discussion group a few weeks after starting my mentoring sessions where I provided the same space that my mentor provided me for women to air their inner thoughts and feelings on topics such as values and self-compassion.
Elizabeth Abdelkereem, Business Owner & Volunteer
Eight years ago I returned to the UK, which I found very difficult after 24 years abroad. I struggled to settle.
My future path was uncertain. I felt stressed, unsettled, foggy-headed, and frankly, quite miserable.
I felt so blessed being back with my family though. As time went on, I was so fortunate to connect with Paul from the Lighthouse family. I was searching for some connections, mental stimulation and a path, an understanding. I wanted to help change my situation and to help others too.
Fast forward, I was soon to learn about the Lighthouse family. I was so captivated by these guys; the way they spoke to each other, the meaningful conversations they had. The way they understood situations and reached out to each other and to help others too.
It was the beginning of my mentorship with Flashie (Chris), I wanted to be like them. Before I started, I must add I was impatient, a bit arrogant, fiery, stressy, irritated and I definitely lacked understanding of myself and others and all situations really; in and out of the home.
Flashie and I had a face-to-face and on-call session that was fantastic. I could be anywhere and he would take my call. I felt the layers fall off as time went by. I observed my reaction when someone or something annoyed me. I learnt to look at things in a different perspective; breathe and just be.
I started to see myself in people that were getting annoyed or impatient and became a lot less bothered by this. My heart softened. I laughed so much more, even at myself! I understood humility, staying humble and giving more. My life has improved beyond imagination.
My life has had many trials since then, but I still remember to stop at the right time, stay in the moment, love more, be grateful, and every single person we meet is going through their own struggles. So try and be kind, stay kind, no matter what. Live your own life. Seek help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Keep good company and friend pools. Never stop learning.
Everyone should have a life coach; your happiness and understanding will shock you immensely. I use what I learned also to help understand others; people that are in great emotional problems, my family. I’m definitely a better, stronger, happier person for my beautiful experience with Lighthouse International.
I thought it would be really nice to finish up by saying I started my Animal Magic business a year after arriving in the UK. Currently I’m a volunteer helping street drug addicts to get onto programmes in Brooklyn and a paid worker companion to mostly broken or lonely people who have absolutely everything in life except human connections. I couldn’t have done any of this without my foundations and faith.
Many more experiences of Lighthouse International Group Associates and clients can be found on our Global Community site.
You can also keep updated with what we’ve learnt from our 18 years of pioneering research into human potential on social media using the links below.
YouTube | Medium | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest
