This Is More Than Just Life Coaching, This Is Family: How Paul Stephen Waugh Saved My Life

Lighthouse International Group: Statement of Stasia Simpson

After the Daily Mail published a false, libellous article against Lighthouse International Group and Paul Stephen Waugh recently, I felt compelled to share my updated testimony, originally sent to the Daily Mail, as part of a 17,000-word bundle of evidence. Here I will share how Paul has loved, supported and cared for me, specifically. There is no way I will stand by whilst one of the few good human beings, fathers, and men in the world is attacked.

When Someone Believes In You

“It’s amazing how far you are willing to go when someone believes in you”
~Katie Kacvintsky

The straight-up truth is that Paul saved my life, and not just mine, but the people I am helping now, those I have helped, and will help in the future. As it stands, he has helped me, directly and indirectly, to support a minimum of 15 people consistently and in significant areas of their lives, outside of Lighthouse International Group, with that support extending to 7 children under the age of 13.

When I first met Paul, in 2011, at an event called Dare to Dream, what first struck me was that he greeted me with a hug. I felt welcomed and I felt safe, I felt like I was amongst friends. Since that day, I can categorically say, Paul has never stopped extending himself to give, to love, to welcome, to embrace, to care for and look after me and others; in fact, it has increased ten-fold!

Finding My Heart, My Meaning And Purpose Again

“Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves”
~Stephen R. Covey

One of the most memorable one-to-one experiences I have had with Paul was at a dinner, again in 2011. The reason this dinner was the most memorable out of all the other times he has given me one-on-one support, was because he was able to get beyond the very thick defensive wall I had built up over my life and was able to reach my heart. When I say he was able to help me reach my heart, what I mean is in those few hours, through his patience and powerful questions, he helped me to come back to my meaning and purpose. I had never had someone sit down with me, empathise with me, and see me through the facade I had projected to the world. He helped me to understand that since childhood, I have always wanted to help those who are suffering, particularly children. I had lost my way over the years, and had lost touch with who I really was, what was important to me, what I cared about, and how I wanted to contribute to the world. Paul helped me to take the first in-depth look inside myself; and this was not to be the first time, as I will explain later.

Love Is Not What You See In The Movies

“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth”
~M. Scott Peck

As well as the countless financial extensions and investments Paul has made in me, personally, and everyone here, I also want to acknowledge his time and effort investments over the years. In the 12 years I have been involved with Lighthouse International Group, Paul has given hundreds of thousands of hours to us, teaching us what he has learnt over his colourful life and business ventures. He has educated us in the most crucial and vital areas of life, from providing us with the foundation for an extensive primary education to learning what it looks like to grow a backbone and stand up for ourselves. There are hundreds of transcripts, audio recordings, recordings during journeys and private phone calls, where Paul has extended himself to teach and share whenever and wherever he can. This includes Sundays, and during the times he was with his family on his rare breaks away.

Paul has loved me like no one else, like a dad, like a mother, like a friend, like a brother. And love as I understand it, is not the Hollywood-type style of love. Love is difficult, love is self-sacrificial, love is self-extending, and love holds you to the highest ideal even when it is extremely hard.

Just over a year ago, Paul helped me to finally face the narcissistic abuse I had suffered since I was a child, and how this unresolved abuse had caused me to impact those I care for and love dearly. Due to the incomplete upbringing I had received from my mother, Paul had to help me confront my damaging behaviour, and when I saw this, I was utterly devastated. I had begun spiralling out of control, and I was deep in addictions and completely lost because I wasn’t willing to do the hard work to help myself. I was causing damage to this safe space and healthy community that had been painstakingly built over many years; he could have asked me to leave but he gave me a chance to turn myself around and make things right. Therefore, this was the second time he reached out to my heart again, and encouraged me to start the healing process. This saved my life without a doubt.

The respect I have for myself, for Paul and the community here, has gone through the roof. Why? Because if I had been living on my own during this time, I dread to think what I would have done to myself. I had been having suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life, and the daily support, hard chats and hugs from the people I lived with, were what kept me emotionally stable.

Setting Boundaries In Order To Heal

“Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often it is where we find the deepest heartache”
~Iyanla Vanzant

Paul and my mentors, Adam Wallis and Chris Nash helped me to make a critical decision about my family, whilst categorically stating we must do everything possible, our level best, to build relationships with our families.

Narcissistic abuse can come from those closest to us, in my case, a parent. I made the decision to hold my mother accountable for her incessant bullying of me, and after informing her of the many years of violations and abuse I had suffered at her hands, her response was indifference and a complete dismissal of the trauma of my childhood. I made a choice that Paul helped me to see, but did not make for me. My choice was to set boundaries with my communications with my mother, in order to heal and recuperate, because for the first time, I saw I was not safe with her. And now I feel healthier and happier than ever before because I am not being continuously violated by her.

Finding My Voice In Order To Help Young People Find Theirs

“Children aren’t things to be moulded, but people to be unfolded”
~Jess Lair

If you look up narcissism on the web, you will see that many people are searching for answers. There is a reason for this: toxic narcissism is escalating, and it can start in our own homes where we are supposed to be safe.

Narcissism is a growing pandemic and it is killing young children in droves, whether through abuse they have suffered at the hands of their own parents, someone close to them, or by their peers. Paul looked at his own narcissistic damage and didn’t hide it or run away from it, instead he chose to use his childhood experiences to help us. When many of us chose to move away from influences, like parents, siblings or peers who were causing harm to us, some of them chose to become nasty and destructive, blaming the people who had helped us recognise their influence and damaging behaviour.

Now, why is that? Because they are no longer our ‘god’s’ and no longer upon the pedestal they, and we, put them on. They can no longer treat us how they want, say what they want, when they want and how they want, so therefore because we have changed the standards we have set for ourselves, they have to find someone else to blame. This is a classic sign of narcissism. Ella Watson, one of our guest writers, wrote an article about how toxic families damage us undetected, in the name of love.

We have a healthy community here at Lighthouse International Group, and a healthy community is not always sunshine and rainbows. It is very hard work to bring together people from all different upbringings, backgrounds, religions and races. This would not have been possible if it was not for the support and mentorship of Paul and each other over the last 18 years. A healthy community, a true family, means we talk about the hard stuff and hold ourselves and each other accountable when we get it wrong. Through repentance, we say sorry to ourselves, and to each other and make things right. Like true family, we support each other to strive for better.

We desperately need to protect the healthy communities we have and develop many more: a publication by the NHS in 2021, revealed that:

39.2% of 6-to-16-year-olds had experienced deterioration in mental health since 2017, and 21.8% experienced improvement. Among 17-to-23-year -olds, 52.5% experienced deterioration, and 15.2% experienced improvement.

These are not statistics, there are human beings behind these numbers. The fact we have young people, under the age of 23, experiencing deteriorating mental health, is just the tip of the iceberg.

We are developing as adults here at Lighthouse International Group, so we are able to find solutions to addressing issues such as children’s mental health. The first step we have taken is to petition the government to regulate the personal development industry because many people need a safe space and community to recover after many years of narcissistic abuse and develop as adults. People need to be able to nurture and develop their unique human potential, to produce value and therefore become benefactors that can end the intergenerational cycles of abuse. Through this, we can provide those inside our front doors with the best start in life, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, materially and financially. And then look to truly contribute to the world by looking outside our front doors to be part of the solution to our global issues.

Finding Family And My Second Dad

“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what”
~Maya Angelou

Paul is just like any other human being, however, he is the most highly intelligent, deeply intuitive, direct, candid, extremely honest and the most deeply feeling, empathic, wise, articulate, hilarious and gentle man I know. This is why I trust him more than anyone in the world, and see him as my second dad — without hesitation.

One of the problems in our world is we don’t have enough candour, accountability, love, abiding care, and respect for ourselves and one another. What we do is we tip-toe around each other, we talk behind each other’s backs, and we don’t love each other by being honest. We, as a community, care deeply for one another, because we are committed to coming back to the table and making things right, working through challenges together, in order to help each other to receive the upbringing we did not receive.

The reason why Paul is respected at the level he is, is because he has been willing to risk the falsity in many relationships here, to bring it to the forefront and address it, in order to build and strengthen those relationships. Many of us live with resentment, bitterness and hatred because we don’t truly open up about how we feel, even with those closest to us. This means many of us stay in toxic family relationships as well as marriages which are extremely harmful to our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical health, and to the children who are born into them.

How Repentance Has Helped Me To Start Realising My Potential

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living”
~Gail Sheehy

Over the last year, through the experience of being abused online, I have come to understand the pathology of a troll. I see that they themselves have been damaged, and through a lack of community and support to resolve that damage and find a way to build value, they have chosen instead to try and break down our community here through falsehoods, hate and vitriol.

One of our associate elect partners, Mel Francis, has written a case study on the pathology of a troll which really helps us to understand why people actually become trolls. I hope that if any of them read this blog, they can look at themselves, and take steps to get the necessary help to turn themselves around… it isn’t too late.

Paul and this community have helped me to start the work of parenting myself, and that began with repentance. What I mean by repentance is, that I look inside, I look at the lies I tell myself, and the damage I cause to myself and others. I say sorry to myself and to others, and then I forgive myself. Forgiveness can only come through seeing my wrongdoing and using it to learn, grow and develop. This is why I say it is more than life-coaching, this is family, because through being very loved here, I am giving everything to realise my potential.

If you are looking for support to address toxic relationships in your life, or are a parent who would like to receive mentoring and support to be able to support your child(ren) effectively, or you are looking to find more meaning in your life, please don’t hesitate to give me an email at: stasia.simpson@lig.global.

You can also find out more about our Parental Child Protection Series on our YouTube page or at The Waugh Rooms.

YouTube | Medium | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Pinterest