PERSONAL PROTECTION & INTROSPECTION

The Fish Dies by Its Mouth: A Case for Maybe Shutting Up Once in a While

There comes a time when even the most exciting personal news shouldn’t be broadcasted, and this may be that time.

Elisabeth Ovesen
Jan 8 · 5 min read
Image for post
Image for post
Illustration: Aum/Raw Pixels

2020 came to a close and I looked back at all I’d endured that year, and in the years before it, I was proud to exclaim that not only had I survived, but at the end of the year, I was thriving! Because of a series of tough decisions that had to be made as my family and I prepared for at least two years of a raging pandemic, racial and political turmoil, and economic instability, we ended the year on an upswing. To boot, because of our planning and several huge personal shifts, including a cross-country move, many new and promising personal and professional opportunities have arisen in recent months.

I am a strong believer in the shifting of energies, that when we make even one tiny step forward, the universe responds in-kind and makes ten steps forward in our favor. I believe in focusing on solutions and not problems, pivoting in a crisis, making potentially painful sacrifices now as a means to a more joyful future, and staying forward-focused versus looking back at a past that cannot be altered. These beliefs helped me maneuver through what started as a year fraught with personal and professional losses, even before the pandemic hit.

It’s My Optimism and Mine Alone

Now, in the first days of a new year, I am in an upbeat frame of mind, hopeful for what’s to come, even as the country continues the painful but necessary process of cycling through some of its most pressing challenges, as it always has. Micro-dosing the rapidly evolving daily news cycle, I don’t know what any of it means for the future, but what I know for sure is that nothing lasts forever. Soon after something terrible happens, something wonderful takes its place.

Did I mention how optimistic I am right now?

However, my annoying faith and confidence in the coming months aren’t rubbing off on everyone around me, and I completely understand why. We won’t all be on the same page at the same time, especially not while the world is on fire. So, I’ve found myself alone in my cheer, and this has prompted me to keep my optimism to myself from now on. That’s not to say I feel as if I can’t talk about my joy, good fortune, and hopeful plans for the future, but I don’t want to anymore.

More often than not, when I phone a family member or friend in an attempt to spread a little new year cheer and discuss all the amazing opportunities that could be just around the corner for us, I am met with deep sighs and an accounting of how terrible everything is and has been for the past ten months. The next thing I know, I’ve blown my natural high, and I’m in a counseling session, trying to help the recipient of my phone call find the silver linings and pivoting points in their personal and professional lives. By the end of each conversation, I’m spent and wish I would’ve kept my good news and forward-focused perspective to myself.

Something to Be Said About Saying Nothing

I believe in the manifestation of circumstances and the detriment of wasting my positive energy and hopeful trajectory on people who have neither right now. We all grow and change at different speeds, at different times, and in different directions, and most of us will find ourselves traveling alone on our personal journeys.

For me, this is such a time.

There is something to be said about the peace that comes when we practice silence, when we keep even our most joyous hopes and achievements to ourselves, coveting and protecting them from those who can only commiserate rather than congratulate. There is something to be said for creating and enjoying the emotional and energetic safety of a self-care bubble in which one is surrounded only by what and who brings them joy with their equally high vibrations. And there is something to be said for knowing when it’s time to go within, plan your work, work your plan, and discuss none of it with anyone.

The fish dies by its mouth is an adage that warns of saying too much lest we give away pieces of ourselves, information others don’t need to or shouldn’t know. It comes to mind as I step into not just a new year but a new direction, energy, and version of myself. With my decision to withdraw from sharing my faith and high hopes at a time when, understandably, not everyone can appreciate or reciprocate them, the words of my ninety-year-old grandmother come to mind. A private person who hates small talk and nosy neighbors, when asked, “How’s everything?” she often replies, “Thank God for however it is.” Moving forward, I’ll take my queues from her and others who have found value in silence.

From the Mouths of Graves

Sam Rayburn, the forty-third Speaker of the House of Representatives, once said, “No one has a finer command of the language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.”

Writer, poet, and visual artist, Khalil Gibran, wrote in 1923’s The Prophet, “You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart, you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime. And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.”

Lastly, and more plainly, actor Will Rogers once offered this bit advice, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

Silence is one of the most reverent of practices. When it serves us, it strengthens our resolve. It forces us to focus on our interpersonal and primordial needs, thoughts, and desires. In our silence, we find the strength to support and clap for ourselves and do without the accolades or opinions of others. In our silence, our energies are harnessed instead of wasted in bottomless barrels filled with fish that died by their mouths. And as it is with all kinds of energy, our high vibrational frequencies are multiplied when harnessed.

Moving forward, I hope that keeping my plans and fruitions to myself will only strengthen my manifestation and bring me closer to my goals. Some of the people I know will eventually join me for this part of my journey, while others won’t have the fortitude or good fortune to make the trip.

This is life. Thank God for however it is.

By Elisabeth

3x New York Times bestselling author. Pen name Karrine Steffans. Psych major. Life Mastery Coach.

Sign up for By Elisabeth

By By Elisabeth

Random musings and wisdom from a New York Times bestselling author with more time on her hands than words. Take a look

By signing up, you will create a Medium account if you don’t already have one. Review our Privacy Policy for more information about our privacy practices.

Check your inbox
Medium sent you an email at to complete your subscription.

Elisabeth Ovesen

Written by

3x NYT bestselling author. Pen name Karrine Steffans. Psych Major. Performance + Life Mastery Coach. lilibetovesen.com

By Elisabeth

Random musings and wisdom from a New York Times bestselling author with more time on her hands than words.

Elisabeth Ovesen

Written by

3x NYT bestselling author. Pen name Karrine Steffans. Psych Major. Performance + Life Mastery Coach. lilibetovesen.com

By Elisabeth

Random musings and wisdom from a New York Times bestselling author with more time on her hands than words.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store