The Worst Question to Ask a Writer

What’s your back-up plan?

Lindsay Lonai Linegar
Nov 2 · 5 min read

This is the second day I’m supposed to be writing my book.

I woke up with a sore throat. The first bit of resistance for day two. So I made myself some hot lemon water. Then smoked a cigarette. Because that’s part of my messiness right now.

Yesterday, on top of the comical bout of depression I went through on the day I was supposed to start writing my book, someone asked me a question. This person was concerned for me, and has a good heart. She doesn’t know me that well, but she has a good heart. Still, the question sent me back down the same spiral I had started out the day on.

She asked,

“What’s your back-up plan?”

Yesterday morning — I lay in bed thinking about how I should get a “real job” — the kind with a certain number of hours assigned per week, and health insurance, and the feeling one is accepted in society.

I went through all the options I could think of, that I might be qualified for: teacher, professor, communications, program management. I spent at least an hour searching jobs online and reaching out to people who might know people. Aside from being a professor, I’ve done all of these roles in different capacities, over the years. And then some.

I’ve enjoyed most jobs I’ve done, to a certain a extent. I’m good at finding the positive in situations, so I can usually convince myself what I’m doing is ok. And all of those jobs are ok, and would be ok for me to have. But none of them are what I really want to be doing, deep down. Somewhere in the middle of all that thinking about the back-up plan, is when I had my first good cry of the day.

And I had two more good cries before getting up to do some writing about writing a book. And I wrote my heart out and 1,000-ish words later, I felt better. Because I was in my element. I was doing what I love. I was honoring what makes me come alive. Even if I wasn’t writing a best-selling book.

She asked me the question around 7pm, and I was back in bed by 7:30pm. Good thing, though, because a couple hours later I woke up and realized I might be getting sick. Which is also funny because I don’t have insurance. Because I don’t have a real job. Because I want to be a writer.

And I know someone might be thinking, “You can have a ‘real job’ as a writer, too.” I know, I’ve done that, too. I told that to the woman yesterday, as I looked at her with tired eyes. Yes, I’ve tried that kind of writing. Yes, I’ve done that kind of work. The reason I’m feeling this way is because I’ve done it all before and now I don’t want to keep settling.

This question — “What’s your back-up plan?” — might be a writer’s single greatest enemy. We spend our entire lives living out our back-up plan, until, hopefully, we don’t have to anymore.

I’m willing to bet this question has power, unlike anything else, to destroy our dream. I think I’ve been giving it way too much power for the last few years. Hell, probably for the last 10 years. Ok, maybe my whole life.

If we want to be writers, we need to focus on writing. Writing needs to be the top priority in our lives. Discomfort comes with the territory. It’s not easy giving all your energy to something so precarious. Being a writer is hard, hard, hard. But it’s also good, good, good.

Even now, even as I’ve allowed myself to just write what I’m thinking and feeling, and not put so much pressure on myself to be loved or accepted as a writer — even now, I am tempted to look back at these words I’ve written and call them shit.

It’s a good thing I’m listening to music again. A band I love just delivered the perfect message as I was tempted to delete every word.

“The good work is never done
We rise and fall just like the sun
Just stand your ground and keep on shining
You know, you can run but you know there’s no hiding” ~Fat Freddy’s Drop

We can run to all sorts of things when we get scared of the journey. We can become quite fond of all sorts of distractions — money, travel, being of service, romance, booze, back-up plans.

It was a terrible question, but look where it got me? I’m nearing another 1,000 words, and it feels good to be honoring myself this way.

I still feel bad. I’m still climbing my way out of the darkness, and now I might have a cold on top of it. But I’m writing. I’m pushing through the myriad forms of resistance throwing themselves at me, since I decided to get serious about writing a book.

I’m clearing my mind enough to think of better questions to ask myself, and you. Because we need to stick together. There are people who love us and support us and cheer for us, but unless those people are writers, they might never understand what it’s like.

Those people will never understand what it’s like to have a burning passion to write and to be constantly pulled in other directions. They will never understand why questioning us about a back-up plan is so hurtful.

Here are some new questions.

To myself, and to you today, these are the questions I would like to ask:

Are you taking care of yourself on this wild journey of being a writer?

What are you working on now that makes you feel alive?

What would make you feel more supported as a writer?



Lindsay Linegar is a writer living in her home state, California. Her educational background is in International Development (MA), Psychology (BA), and she is certified in Therapeutic Creativity. She currently finds herself thrilled to be a dog walker and yoga student as she works on her first book, based on her three-year adventure in South Sudan. She loves making meaningful connections with humans, wondering at nature, doodling, listening to good music, and more than anything, dancing. You can reach her through email at lindsaylinegar@gmail.com

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Lindsay Lonai Linegar

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Writer | Creativity Coach | Dog Walker | Aspiring Yogini 🌼 California is home, but so is everywhere.🌍 “Just dance, gonna be ok.” ~Gaga

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