Impermanence: Highs, Lows, Slumps, and Plateaus
Nothing is permanent. This, I know.
I’ve had a career end, my body break, and relationships wane. I’ve changed houses, changed jobs, changed states. I’ve seen glaciers recede and cities grow with my own two eyes. I watch a loved-one decline at the grips of an unfair disease.
Consider mother nature. Every time summer turns into fall, and winter turns into spring, I am reminded of the truth in the saying: “the only thing constant, is change.” Literally all of life is in the endless cycle of birth, life, and death.
Yet, with all of that in mind, many of us share the human urge to grasp onto things as if they were permanent. An expectation that things ought to stick around. Especially the “good” things.
When a relationship is stable, we expect it to stay that way. When our physical health is good, we expect it to stay that way. When we’re succeeding at work, sport…life…We expect it to stay that way. And when the (fill in the blank: ___ person, physical condition, performance, you name it) changes — which they inevitably do — we suffer in grief and frustration.
I don’t deny that broken relationships, injuries, and poor performances are sad or disappointing — they are. And, man, can it hurt.
But there is something to be said for understanding, and accepting, impermanence. The fact of the matter is: things come into and go out of existence. States change. Much like the changing of seasons, it is a cycle. Can we see that cycle as neither good nor bad? It is the nature of things. It just is.
I remember when I was ranked 10th in the world, moving back in the rankings wasn’t even a consideration. In my mind, I’d at least maintain that ranking, and if anything, I’d get better. Of course, another knee injury came center stage, and (predictably) I didn’t stay 10th forever.
That said, my mindset and experience at the time weren’t unique. I’m not the only athlete who believed I could maintain or improve my performance for all of time. And I certainly couldn’t accept that sometimes moving backwards was part of progressing forward.
Slumps and plateaus — in sports and in life — are not inherently bad. They are just part of a natural cycle. And they certainly shouldn’t be unexpected. One of my favorite quotes from quarterback Russell Wilson is, “The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.”
Stumbling blocks make us, well… stumble. But they don’t have to make us fall. So, how do you turn a stumbling block into a stepping stone?
- Don’t get stuck on what “was.” Grieve the loss — to be sure. But refrain from gripping white-knuckled to what has passed. Do your best to relinquish your expectation for permanence, and it will be easier to accept change.
- Ask yourself, how can I evolve? How can I adapt to change? Can I create a new opportunity out of this?
- Cultivate self-compassion. Be flexible. Gently assess. Start to plan. Mindfully adapt. Even amid grief and loss, try to accept the new reality.
- Commit to a path moving forward.
There is a sense of freedom that comes with “going with the flow.” Let yourself grow. People who embrace flux — those who truly embrace change — not only suffer less, but also are more nimble in the face of adversity.
Nothing is fixed. This too shall pass.
Modified from an essay originally published in 2015 on zgirls.org
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