What I Miss About Home

“Can’t you just study at a Chinese university? We all will miss you,” said my grandmother before I getting on the plane to LAX. “I have made my decision, and nothing’s gonna change it.” I answered firmly without any hesitation.

Now, I have been in UCSB for one and a half month and what I miss about home most is my grandmother. I sometimes regret that I didn’t say “I love you” to her before my departure because, now, I am worrying about her health and missing her so much.

When I was a kid, my grandmother is the one who accompanied me for the most time because my parents are too busy with their works. She brought my breakfast to me when I was getting to school and picked me up when my school was over. She took care of all my daily stuffs such as making bed, washing clothes, cooking… However, I was not very satisfied of her because she took too much attention on me, making me feel stressful and unfree. For example, if I didn’t have lunch, she would murmur the bad influences of not having lunch again and again and complain all the times. That is really a nightmare to me. As a result, I often showed angry face, shouting to her impatiently.

However, during my second year in high school, my grandmother got cervical cancer. She needed surgery right away as well as the chemotherapy. She couldn’t do all the daily chores for me. Instead, she needed to sleep in the hospital all day long. I felt guilty about treating her so bad in the past but I was too shy to speak it out. Being afraid of expressing myself, I only seldom visit her in the hospital. Every time I visit her, she smiled happily, hugging me with her weak body. She loves me so much, which makes me more nervous to apologize for the attitude I treated her in the past.I couldn’t speak my apologize out even when we are saying goodbye to each other. Neither did I say “I love you”. I only smiled and waved at her when I was getting on the plane and I clearly saw that she wiped her tears. I felt bitter but I couldn’t change my decision.

After I arrived in Santa Barbara, I worry about my grandmother’s physical health everyday so I asked my mother to inform me as soon as possible if there is something wrong. To my surprise, my mother told me yesterday that my grandma is completely recovered and she is absolutely healthy now. This is a really good news to me.

Now I am missing the food she cooked and her thoughtful kindness. In every Chinese restaurant in IV and Goleta, I never tasted any dishes that tastes the same as my grandma made. Also, I need to do all the chores by myself so I sometimes think about what my grandma did when I was in China. I really miss her so sometimes we would facetime each other on the Wechat. She is always happy when she see me and I know that the happiness comes from the love.

I am coming home this winter break so the first thing I would do when I got home is hugging my grandma. I miss her so much.