Struggling and moving forward
Up until now, I’ve been study abroad for almost one year. It’s really been through a lot. I plan a lot but still feel lost. After I read this article, I agree with the author, though I haven’t personally experienced some of her points.
There was a time that made me struggled a lot. It was during the last quarter, for several reasons, I got depression, and I felt lost. The situation at that time made me want to go home as soon as possible. I was considering whether I should take a gap quarter or study “abroad” back to China because I really didn’t know how to handle and control my feelings. All the pressures were just like a tsunami, suddenly crushing me down. I could barely sleep at night and woke up several times during the night. I felt my body broken down psychologically and physically. I wanted to help myself out so I went to the health center, asking for pills to make me sleep more. I was told that I had depression and anxiety. They assigned me a social worker, talking with me about everything I was struggling, and at the same time, I needed to take anti-depressant pills. For about more than half a quarter, I went to health center every week for tests and free talks. When Winter 2017 ends, I felt much better so I quitted to take the pills. After all these weeks, though I tried to give up and escape, now I look back and find that this experience is really precious, because just as Andini Alya says: “ The opportunities that I have to travel the world is a privilege that not everyone can have”(Alya). Not everyone could have this experience to face some problems like this because they don’t even have the opportunities to go out and study abroad. This experience tells me that when facing some problems, you need to try to help yourself out and try to use other resources to help yourself out, too. “ It’s not always be okay, and it’s okay”(Alya). It may not be okay at that time, but you’ll find that it’s gonna be okay eventually, as long as you try to do something to make this situation better. Be grateful what you are going through or trying to get through, because you already have such a precious opportunitiy to study abroad and see the world outside your own country.
“ Living abroad gives you this strange feeling of not belonging anywhere”(Alya). I can’t agree with this any more. I feel a sense of insecure just because I’m in an another country other than my motherland. It is strange to feel this because I actually don’t need to worry about some big things, such as money. However, It is indeed that just staying here makes me feel insecure. I hope when time goes on, this feeling could fade away.
For those so called friends, for the most time, they are just the passengers of your life. In the first quarter, I made a lot of new friends. We took classes together and played together. After the first quarter ends, I found that we barely contacted each other because we didn’t have the same class any more. They actually just exist only in the list of my contacts, but we don’t contact any more. They are actually just my classmates, not even friends. Just exactly as Alya says: “People come and go so fast when you live abroad, everyone has their own thing going on”(Alya).
For future international students coming to UCSB, I truly hope that you could always keep the excitement when you first step into this different country. When you face some problems, have the awareness and conciousness to help yourself out, and if it doesn’t work, be free to find somebody to help you out. In the last quarter, there was a Chinese international student committed suicide because of some psychological problems. People didn’t think she got some problems until she was already dead. Thus, I truly hope, especially when you got some psychological problems, even like you feel that you are stressed in study or something, be free to find someone to talk with them. In this case, I might be a good example because I’ve talked to a social worker in the student health center and I feel so good right now. Also, be grateful to the experience you have and also the people you’ve met because they are the ones who also make you have this experience. At at the very last end, I want to tell those international students that you are not alone. We may experience similar problems that might drag us down for a little while, but it’s gonna be okay eventually. Trust yourself and your potential, and try to make this experience (study abroad) be the unforgettable part of your own life.
