Horrendous New Thanksgiving Traditions
It is almost time for the bizarre American ritual known as Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving Americans gather to celebrate a questionable holiday based on a fictional story about Puritans inviting Native Americans to dinner.
Yet there is no evidence the first Thanksgiving occurred. In real life, the Puritans and Natives Americans would have tried to kill each other at a get together. However, friendly stereotypes sitting down to dinner is more pleasant than mortal enemies hacking each other to death with swords and tomahawks.
In reality, the food industry created Thanksgiving, with help from politicians, to sell turkeys. Strangely, Thanksgiving has become an important of American life. In particular, the airline industry depends on Thanksgiving for survival.
The Horrible New Thanksgiving Traditions Include:
- Using streaming video to create rerun marathons of your parents’ favorite shows to bore your kids to death.
- Order a precooked Thanksgiving Dinner from Whole Foods or Kroger (KR). This way the food will taste good, be well-prepared, and safe to eat. Best of all your relatives will actually eat the food and complement you on your cooking.
- Hide the containers your precooked Thanksgiving Dinner comes in. That way your loved…
