Apologies to a New Journal
It has been tough getting to know you…
I know, I know. I’ve had a difficult time moving on. I keep thinking about the old journal, and the memories we shared. On the left side or the right side, there was comfort on either side. I lassoed joys and heartaches, but mostly it holds the mundane, the days when little happened.
It’s been a few weeks now. I’ve been quiet, keeping to myself. I don’t know why it has been so tough getting to know you, but this predicament is not new. It’s happened before. I get too attached, too connected to that worn-in feel of an old friend, and unnerved by the newness of your binding. If you were the same size as the old journal, the transition might be easier, but you are thicker, taller and wider, and paler.
“I’ll start on the first of the month,” I said to myself the other day. Then, it was the start of fall, then my birthday. All these milestones have come and gone. Yet, there you sit, still. Fresh and ready. Our first moments together will feel awkward. There will be regrets over mistakes that blemish your first few pages. But that’s no reason to fret, for later on, those mistakes won’t matter much as you approach a full mid-section. We’ll spend many hours together, alone. Someday I will not want to part with you either.
I need to start taking you places, so you can absorb the bumps and scratches of bags and pockets. Staying home, lying around all day will keep you pristine, but you’ll wonder if I am going to love another, one that fits or feels better. Sitting around can make you feel unwanted, I know.
Maybe you speculated, he’s going digital. Yes, there’s an appeal for type-ahead AI wordsmiths and unobtrusive grammar checks, and everything indexed for easy searching. But, the old journal knew that would never happen. When you gain your confidence, you’ll be sure of it too.
I need to start a new entry, something I can’t squeeze into the margins of the old journal. Something spirited and with enough words to spill onto your second page, your left side, setting up a right-side start for that critical second entry. Then, with that padded feel, the pen will flow, the pages will fill. I need something sort of like this apology.
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