Hopelessly, Ridiculously, Nostalgically
Lit Up — May’s Prompt: Nostalgia
She, who looked just like me, my twin, my package deal, is gone. We were two little curly haired girls horseback riding though the hills together till after sunset. Trusting the horses to know the trail home.
Then life interrupted.
It’s always a surprise to me when her wan shadow comes tugging at my sleeve, I want to call her, my seized heart thumping cold once and my eyes stinging.
Nostalgically, ridiculously, painfully I long for my sister again.
It’s the birthdays we have missed, the nieces and nephews I’ve been so unfairly denied because of her early absence.
I say ridiculously because I want her at my side at events. When something happens it’s her I whisper to at night in bed, just like I when we were children in twin beds. When nostalgia overtakes me I have to pull myself together; to literally stitch myself back together where she was torn from me to move on from that frozen in time moment.
Birthdays
Babies
Holidays
Phone calls
Mom
Taco Bell burritos
All make me nostalgic. Now that she’s gone I’m am no longer a twin, but it was my identity and I miss it, nothing is the same without her on the planet. I am a different person. A singularity, no longer a rarity, so I wear my skin differently. Looser, I am less sure of who I am, tougher also. Or maybe softer, its hard to tell without her sounding board. Just writing that makes me ache.
I miss her hand in mine as we went around dressed identically and all the looks we got; the questions, the attention, even the fights. I am just a throbbing mixture of resentment and regret. Fight with me someone,please. Then hug me hard. Do it. Fix the ache.
I miss you Kristy.
