(Not) Going Steady
It’s Complicated: Lit Up & The Writing Cooperative Contest
We are at a busy intersection, waiting for the red light to turn green.
“Excited to go see Julia?”, he asks suddenly, while intertwining his pinky finger in mine.
Before I get a chance to answer, his hand returns to the steering wheel and we are moving again.
“Sure, it’s been a while.” I finally respond, my head turned to the window as if lost in thought.
He doesn’t know that I know.
He is excited, going over our plans for the day, making jokes and all around being his usual self.
I sometimes take a glance at him and am relieved to be wearing sunglasses, as my eyes must be shooting daggers, for sure.
Traffic is a nightmare. Stop-and-go, moving a scarce few meters at a time. He keeps intertwining his pinky finger in mine every chance he gets. My fury grows leaps and bounds whenever he does so.
When we went from friends to lovers we pinky swore to not let anything get in the way of the friendship. When we decided to move in together, we pinky swore that we would always be honest with each other. When we got married, we pinky swore our vows. To me, this was sweet and pure.
Yesterday I left work earlier than usual and decided to walk home. I went past our favorite coffee shop. As I looked through the window I noticed he was standing in line and smiled, preparing to go in and surprise him.
But then she kissed him and cleared a lipstick smudge from his face. He smiled at her the same way (I thought) he only smiled at me.
My heart started pounding in my ears and I crossed the street. I had to distance myself from the situation.
After a while he left the coffee shop, his companion behind him. He held the door for her. As they strutted down the street she held his hand, intertwining all her fingers in his, happily rocking both their hands back and forth.
I am unsure of what to do, what to say — how to say it…
He squeezes my pinky finger with his, forcing me to look at him.
“We have arrived at our destination, Milady. Shall we go?”, he says jokingly, while turning off the car and heading out.
I breath in deeply and decide to button down my feelings, at least for the time being.
As we head towards our friend’s house, I instinctively intertwine my pinky finger in his. He smiles and stops me for a quick kiss before going in.
