SOPHIA
When the imaginary is real
The sign read, Mills Road 1/2 mile and Jay didn’t know if he was going to make it. He considered pulling onto the side of the road, but needed privacy. “Whew — there it is. I can make it. Focus Jay!! Focus. You can do it.”
He took the exit, but didn’t have time to find a quiet spot because everything he kept down didn’t care about a complete stop. He flung the door open and the container where he stored his pain exploded onto the pavement.
“I hate puking but it always feels better,” he said as he lit a cigarette. He hated the smell of cigarettes, the taste and pretty much everything about them, but in times of crisis, they were reliable. Unfortunately, his crisis had been going on for three years. He spoke to the pack of cigarettes, telling them — “Thanks for all your help, but soon I won’t need it anymore.”
After a couple of drags, he put it out. He shook his head in disbelief at how on earth his life took such a drastic turn of misfortune. He was about to get back on the road when a police car pulled next to him, asking if he needed help. “Yes officer. My life is a complete disaster. The wife kicked me out. I am going to live with my parents at 47. Oh and my company went bankrupt. I do not know how I am going to survive, and suicide is an option.” Instead, he thanked them and told them everything was fine and he pulled over to make a phone call. Why this answer satisfied them he had no idea because the rearview mirror showed a maniac, but they drove off.
The phone rang, and it was Ann. He must have left something at the house, he figured. The second he answered she said, “Jay I am turning your cell phone off. Have a nice day.”
“Are you fucking kidding me! Can this day be anymore fucked?” He tried to call and let his parents know he was going to be delayed, but Ann already turned it off, giving him stitches of laughter. Oh, it felt so good to laugh. It had been so long. Maybe this is what he needed to do all along. Laugh! And then it began — the sound of crickets.
His entire body felt quakes of energy as the hum of crickets became a torrent.
She appeared in the passenger seat with Converse high tops propped on the dash. Her dark hair pulled back, hoop earrings, a band he had never heard of T-shirt, cutoff shorts, and magenta lipstick, she turned to him with a smile and concern.
“Hi Sophia. It has been a while.” Jay said.
“Yes, Jay it has. Our connection is unstable, and I don’t know how much time I have. I am sorry that you have to feel this much pain, but it could have been prevented. You didn’t know yourself well enough to have married Ann. It is ok, we all make mistakes, but it almost cost your life. Find yourself!! And with that, you will learn to love yourself. What’s Coming is going to be here soon. I don’t have time to explain it all, but it will turn the entire world on end. People will die and the only way you are going to survive is if you discover who you are and learn to love yourself. It is a language you don’t know, but it will save you when you do. It will give you the power to . . . .”
“Wait! I don’t . . . .” He said to his pack of cigarettes in the passenger seat.
The first time it happened, he was playing in the woods when she appeared. Why he didn’t run away or scream in fear, he didn’t know. He was never sure how old she was. She always appeared youthful and when he asked her, she told him they were the same age. He did not know what that meant because she was clearly older than twelve. She also told him she would always be with him because they were tied to each other.
They spent a good portion of the day together, playing in the woods. While sitting on a log, he told her about his friends, school and family when suddenly she turned as though someone spoke to her. A tear formed in her eye as she said, “I have to go now, but I will see you soon.” She vanished, but over the years she showed up again and again and again.
Each time she appeared, it started with the crickets in his head, followed by quakes of energy. She usually spoke in parables, riddles, or metaphors. He thought he deciphered their meaning, but wasn’t sure. And yet, he must have been on the right track because each time he gained a new perspective. This was one of the few visits she spoke plainly and when a magical diva who has been with you your entire life tells you the world is screwed, you pay attention. The only problem was he had been trying to find himself his entire life. Although her appearances helped him, that goal seemed out of reach and love for himself was impossible.
It was the morning of his 50th birthday, and the only person he wanted to spend it with was Sophia. He considered skipping his morning routine and heading over to the diner for some eggs Benedict, but thought better of it. If there was one day, the discipline of routine is to be honored it is his birthday because it gave him life.
With the smell of coffee wafting throughout the house, he began his morning meditation. He shook his head in wonder why he didn’t wait until after he was done meditating to make coffee because the aroma was distracting. He chuckled to himself, figuring it was a way to practice concentration by ignoring temptation. Not to mention, the habit of making coffee preceded the habit of meditation.
He practiced a variety of meditation practices over the years and admitted he was far from being an expert. It was his opinion the type of meditation mattered less than the discipline of reigning in his thoughts. Whatever junk was left after his meditation found itself deposited in his journal. Over the last three years, tears, rage, anger, pain and joy found their end on those pages.
Sophia’s visit rattled him far more than his ex-wife that day. He recalled the fear she expressed when talking about What’s Coming and what he needed to discover in order to survive. He still didn’t know what “it” was, but any issue was a candidate.
Although he kept cynicism as a matter of prudence, he was loth to admit that every silly, ridiculous hippie dippie woo woo thing he said yes to helped him. The impossible of loving oneself was discovered in sweat lodges, grief circles, silent retreats and isolation tanks. He tried anything to strip away the ego in order to understand the language of the heart.
He hit the beach for a run, grateful he lost those thirty pounds. Returning home, he felt ALIVE and was surprised when he heard a knock. What!? He opened the door to what appeared to be a young boy who looked like something out of a Dickens novel.
“Hello Mr. Jay and happy birthday. I have a telegram for you.”
Jay took what he figured was a birthday card and the kid immediately turned his palm up. This caught him off guard, but who wouldn’t be when one of Tiny Tim’s relatives shows up on your birthday at 6:30 AM on a Sunday mind you.
‘Wait, a second I have to grab my wallet,” Jay said.
He deposited several one dollar bills into it. The palm remained upraised. It took another $10. “God bless us, every one,” the kid exclaimed and — vanished. There was no doubt about it this was Sophia’s doing.
He opened up what he thought was a birthday card, only to discover it was an invitation.
Please join us for the annual Guild meeting.
This year we will celebrate our ten-thousandth year on June 21. We ask members to arrive on time prepared to discuss What’s Coming. Because of the severity of this issue, we will forgo all workshops and panels.
Where? That is what he wanted to know. He turned the invitation over, checked the envelope, but there wasn’t anything else. He set it on the counter as he sipped his coffee. “Would love to go Sophia if I only knew where.”
Her voice entered his mind — “Seriously Jay! After all the work you have done and you have to ask me that?”
This was some type of test and one he wanted to pass. She was right! Her words gave him a clue that he could access the information he sought.
He shifted into a trance, tapping into his third-eye. This was an area he struggled with and, as far as he was concerned, his third-eye was blind. He felt as though he was groping in the metaphysical dark. Perseverance set aside his feelings for concentration and then, with a slight shock and pop inside his head, his eye opened.
He knew where the Guild meeting was, who they were and what What’s Coming means. It was also revealed to him who Sophia is, the nature of their relationship, and how old they were. Wow! This had to be the coolest birthday ever.
He opened his eyes, looked towards an imaginary Sophia and said, “Not too bad for a couple of old farts. I sure hope you plan on giving me a kiss after all this.”
“I intend on doing exactly that. You are finally old enough.” Her voice echoed in his mind.
