Strings of Judgment
Standing at a locker recently, I grew increasingly agitated by a sound coming from the other side of the room I was in. The wails of a baby incessantly punctured the air around me, and my mind railed against it. Surprised with myself, I questioned my annoyance as I reasoned this baby couldn’t help the feelings that needed to be vented.
Then I realized. I wasn’t upset with the baby. I was judging the mother who couldn’t silence her child. Cringing at the criticism I’d made, I stepped out of there and away from the feeling I didn’t want to be associated with.
Standing behind my sister in her kitchen a day later, I looked past her and into the mirror across the adjoining room, and I saw myself over her shoulder. It showed the scene playing out, and in a shot, led me to reflect on what lay below the surface.
As his parents scolded my nephew for a misstep, I saw that I looked like someone who was judging them. I wasn’t, but I knew who was. Confirming it, my sister drilled him — “Do you want to be labeled as that kid?” Unanswered, she followed it up with a declaration, “This is not the boy I’m raising.”
After he retreated to his room, we discussed the situation. Moving beyond the action that was nowhere near fatal, she referenced his recent history. She was shaking as she spoke of the group of moms who’d driven their sons to ostracize hers because of an incident that had fueled their fears.
Taken out of proportion, they hadn’t taken the time to talk it over, instead they’d gone straight to declaring him unfit to be around. She worried they would act, once again, as his judge and jury.
After that fear ran its course, I drove the conversation home with a question — “Is your fear of their judgment a reflection of your judgment of yourself as a mother?”
She nodded. It was.
Taking a step back, I’ve watched the movement to equalize women and reflected on how many are being judged. Mostly men, but women too. A hurricane of headlines and a storm of tweets have flung out judgment — daily — at those who failed to speak up against the sexual offenders sooner. It seems like everyone is judging someone for what they say, what they don’t say, how they say it once it’s said, how long it took them to say it, and the latest, saying something when they should shut up and listen to what’s being said.
Then there was the circus that grew around what a woman was paid, versus her male counterpart, for retakes shot of a film. Left out of every article was the reason. It was done to expunge a male actor, who’d been accused of sexual offenses, from their feature. The male director, along with others, didn’t ask to be paid either. Regardless, this woman, who was standing up for everyone who’d said “me too”, was judged as not having fought for her worth. Much was written on it, but the woman didn’t speak one word. I have to wonder if she knew. No matter what she said, someone would disregard the meaning behind it and judge her.
This all leads me to wonder, since this was happening everywhere, forever, where were these judgmental voices before that first story broke?
I’m not speaking out against justice. That’s been sorely needed. But, let’s not be mistaken, justice and judgment are not the same. I’m speaking out against the rocks, full of righteousness, that have been flung full force. Screaming out their judgment of everyone, they’re succeeding in one thing. Shutting down people speaking, which is what leads to solutions.
So, I have to wonder. Where does the judgment end? We judge the parents. We judge the children. We judge the men. We judge the women. We judge ourselves. Almost none are deemed worthy. You might wonder, isn’t this article laying down judgment? Perhaps. But, we should all be wondering. If the judgment doesn’t end, so people can start speaking, where will we end up?
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