Sunrise, Josh

The cold pre-dawn air bites at my face as I pedal my bike. It’s gonna take me an hour to get there — a bit less if I’m lucky, since there’s no cars yet. But it’ll all be worth it, because this is the most romantic thing I’ve ever done. I expose my teeth to the air in a grin. She’s gonna be so surprised. She’s gonna absolutely love it.

Silent streetlights flash red, green, yellow. But there’s no one around at five-thirty in the morning, and they mean nothing to me. I throw my arms out and whoop like a kid. Dogs bark from the backyard I’m passing. They quickly set off a chain reaction until all the dogs in the neighborhood are barking. Oops. Sucks to be you, neighbors. Anyways, this is freedom. I’m alive like other people just wish they were. If only everyday had a moment like this! I should stop holding back. The world could use more Josh.

I’m almost there, and the sun is pushing the dark up, melding with it. Reminds me of us: me and my girlfriend. She’s the dark, and I’m the sun, and pretty soon the sky will be a whole new shade altogether. The two of us will change the day. I make her sky brighter and she lets me shine. She’s just… made for me. I can’t wait to tell her.

My legs are twitchy and sore, and I can’t tell if I’m numb from the exercise or the cold, but I made it. I know her mom works late, but I’m considerate, so I go right to my girlfriend’s window at the back. The sky is much lighter now — that magic moment when the sun arrives is almost here. I have to hurry. I tap on her window, crunching something underfoot in the flower bed. Probably just a snail. Man, I hate those things, all sticky and slow. I scrape my shoe off on the building’s peaky stucco.

I tap the window some more. She’s a heavy sleeper, and I’m a patient guy, but we can’t be late! I knock. I knock again. Finally, a light comes on and the blinds go up. Her hair is sticking out in crazy directions and she’s squinting at me. She looks kinda like that homeless lady I saw last week. I mean, no! She looks beautiful. She’s my girlfriend. Just sleeping is all.

“Good morning!” I beam at her.

She slides the window open a crack. “Josh?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I say. There’s no screen in my way, so I help her by pushing the window open more, enough to see her face without the glass between us. Yeah, she’s beautiful. I mean, everyone looks a little weird when they just woke up.

She shakes her head. “What’re you doing? What happened?” Her eyes aren’t even open, which is sorta rude, but I mean, I guess she’s still waking up.

“Hurry, come outside!” I say, “Let’s watch the sunrise together!”

This is the part where her eyes should light up and she’d smile… but instead, she just stares at me. I wait, because I’m a patient guy.

Her eyes open wide and then slam shut again. “You… crazy?”

Yeah, so she’s a heavy sleeper, and I forgot she’s not exactly a morning person. But that doesn’t really matter, this is a once in a lifetime thing. She’ll be happy when she realizes that. “It’s Valentine’s Day!” I remind her, speaking a little slower so she can understand. “I rode my bike all the way over here to watch the sunrise with you! Come outside!” I push the window open wide enough for her to step out, because I’m a gentleman.

“You rode your bike?” She mumbles something I can’t understand and shoves the window opening back down to a sliver. “Why? It’s freezing. Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in, my mom’ll kill me.”

This isn’t how I imagined it, but she’ll regret missing this perfect moment if she doesn’t come out. I try another smile on. I’m nothing if not persuasive. “I rode my bike for forty-five minutes to see you. The sun’s coming up right now, so just put your coat on.”

“It’s like 6am on a Saturday, Josh.”

“Exactly! Time for the sun to rise, and you too!”

She rubs her face with her hands and makes some weird growl sound. “Last night, when I said I didn’t want to watch the sunrise, what’d you think I meant?”

Oh. She’s still stuck on that. “But I knew you’d change your mind once I was here and you were up. C’mon!” I reach out and push the window wide again to take her hand, but I must feel like an ice sculpture from being out in the cold, because she shivers.

“I have work later. Goin’ back to bed,” she says, sliding the window shut slowly. I can’t let that happen. It makes no sense. She’s ruining the moment and… and she’ll regret it.

I lodge my hand in the window before it shuts. “Why won’t you just grab a blanket and come out here?” My pitch goes a little high, and it sounds like I’m whining, but it’s fine if it snaps her out of it.

She stares coolly at my hand above hers on the window, then she gives the pane another tug.

“Just c’mon, Clarissa. Don’t ruin it.”

Her head raises slowly, her eyes leveling to mine. This is it, she’ll give in now. I smile. I know she can’t resist —

“Josh.” Her eyes are wide open — she’s fully awake. This close, her pupils are entirely dark for some reason, making her look crazy. Plus, her nostrils are flaring, which isn’t very cute. She’s reminding me of that bag lady again. Then she leans out the window for the first time, into the brisk air, into my face. “Fuck off, Josh.”

I blink. I laugh a little. That’s obviously some sort of joke — she’s always so funny, my girlfriend. I don’t know why she thinks now’s a good time, though. “What?”

“Take your fucking hand off my window, Josh.”

“Wait, what?”

“I said, take your fucking hand off my window. Now.” She’s practically scowling. “I’m not playing anymore, Josh. I’m done. Every day it’s some fresh bullshit and I’m done.”

“With… with what?”

“You.” She pulls at the frame again, but I lock my elbow. “Let. Go.”

“Excuse me? Are you serious?” I gape at her. “I’m the one that should be mad right now! I rode my bike all the way over here just to — ”

“To make yourself look like boyfriend of the year, yet again. It’s always about you, isn’t it? I bet you already posted about how awesome you are, right? I gave you three weeks, but that was way more than you deserve. Now, take your hand off my window or I will scream.”

I scoff. “Are you for real? It’s Valentine’s and I’m doing something romantic for you. It’s like you don’t get me at all!”

And then suddenly, I’ve won, because she finally shifts to bring her leg out. I hold the window for her, grinning again. She doesn’t have to worry, I’ll accept her apology, of course!

But her foot shoves me in the gut. I’m caught completely off guard, so that’s the only reason I fall on my butt on the wet lawn. Before I can clamber to my feet, the window closes with a slam. Clarissa gives me a vicious look from the other side. Her fists, with both middle fingers extended, thunk against the glass as she thrusts them in my direction.

She turns away.

“Wait!”

The blinds close.

“Clarissa!”

And the light turns off.

I pick myself up off the grass, but… what? Again? This doesn’t make any sense. Again! I am boyfriend of the year, actually, and I’ve just done the most romantic thing of my life, and this… this is… bullshit!

“Bullshit!” I yell. “This is bullshit, Clarissa!” I kick at the wall where I wiped that snail off. My muddy foot leaves dark streaks, ugly smears next to the snail on the pristine white stucco. Good. It’s like I’m the pure building and Clarissa is nasty snail guts and dirt and now there’s a dark scar, evidence of what she did.

She broke my heart.

I kick and wipe the mud from my other foot onto the wall, too. She deserves it. “Bitch!”

Some lights come on through the blinds, from somewhere past Clarissa’s room. Uh oh. It’s her mom. Clarissa may be a bitch, but she’s got nothing on her mom. I scramble back to my bike and pedal off as fast as I can.

I don’t get it, though. I mean, it’s crazy, right? On Valentine’s and everything.

But man, I deserve better than that. How could she not see how lucky she is? That’s it — I’ve decided. I’m gonna have to dump Clarissa.