The Old Drunk and the Sea
It was the booze that had ruined Sean McGill and ultimately led him here, but he wanted that glass of whisky nearly as much as he wished for his nephew to drop dead, or have an alien bout of clemency.
‘You don’t have tae dae this.’ Sean turned away from Eddie’s cold blue eyes and expressionless face to look at a mass grave. ‘Ah didnae say anything.’
‘Aye, it’s always somebody else.’
‘Whoever told you is talkin shite.’
‘That’s the pot calling the kettle black. Idioms. This is whit you dae tae people. They start hitting out wae idioms.’ Eddie threw an ice cube from his drink off Sean’s head. ‘Ya fuckin human pothole.’
‘Whit would your dad think aboot this, eh?’
‘Ma dad’s dead and gone. The mind ceases tae think in such a state. You were always his Achilles arsehole anyway, so don’t appeal tae something as trivial as DNA. Your relation tae me and ma da is an accident of birth…’
‘Ah didnae dae anything.’
‘Don’t plead ignorance.’
‘Ah didnae but.’
‘Don’t gies your lies. Cunts like you are no smart enough to play dumb. Ma da carrying you aboot caused him premature death, and ah’ll be fucked if you’re daein the same tae me ya big-mouthed jinx.’
‘Am no a grass.’ Eddie pulled a gun from his jacket and sent an unbearable wave of panic through Sean to the point every rock of the boat put his stomach in a violent spin. He gagged and spewed yesterday’s drinking session down his already stained T-shirt.
‘Fuck sake,’ Eddie said, repulsed. ‘Inside every plastic hardman, there’s a lily-livered shitebag trying tae escape.’
‘C’mon, Eddie.’ The tears streamed down Sean’s cheeks. ‘Am family!’
‘Shut the fuck up ya pathetic waste of space. You’re awready oan your knees poisoning ma nostrils wae your pishy jeans, don’t sicken me any further. Ah thought there was a chance you might’ve shown some fuckin balls when you confronted the inevitable, but you probably don’t think it’s inevitable — that am a compassionate bastard or something.’ Sean knew empathy wasn’t Eddie’s strong suit, but he had no other option than to hope for humanity behind those dead eyes.
‘Ah didnae say anything.’
‘You must think ave got a double-digit IQ like you and they cretins in the pub you cannae stoap talkin tae. If it’s any consolation, it’s mostly business, though ave nae time for cunts contaminating ma name by association. Wae family like you, enemies are redundant.’
‘Ah only fed them shit! Nothing that will come back oan you!’
‘First, you didnae say anything, and now you’re spinning yarns. Look at you fir fuck sake. Yarns are for Huck Finn. You couldnae spin a believable story if your arse depended oan it. This being a case in point. Have some fuckin nerve, and just die wae a shred ae dignity…’
Eddie took another drink from the glass and watched the beaten eyes of his uncle follow.
‘Ah bet you would give your right ball for a drink ae this.’ Sean hung his head and looked at the pish stains on his denims.
‘Am sorry,’ he said. ‘It’ll never happen again. Just let me go. Please!’
‘You’re right. It won’t.’
‘Ah helped you get started! Where would you be withoot me and your da?’
‘Ave worked for everything ave got. That’s why ave built something, and cunts like you won’t fuck that up.’
‘Ave worked aw ma days for you and your da.’
‘Don’t gies the revisionist pish! You worked for everything you’ve got, and that’s why you’ve got nothing except pish running doon your legs.’
‘Help!’ Sean shouted. ‘Help!’ Eddie looked around at the Irish Sea and smiled.
‘See this whisky,’ he said, cutting off Sean’s wailing. ‘This whisky is worth more than some cunts will see in a month. Disgusting eh? Dae you want some?’ Sean nodded. ‘Open your mouth then like you’re at the dentist.’ Eddie walked over and poured the whisky over Sean’s head. No one else heard the gunshot.
