You were my best friend..
London, 1998
“I hate that you will be so far away, but I am so proud of you, Ella!”
Katherine put emphasis on the ‘so’ to make her words more believable. The truth was, she wasn’t proud, she was jealous. So jealous! She always had been envious of her best friend, ever since they had become besties in their third year of secondary school ten years earlier, when Katherine accidentally sat on Ella’s glasses in Geography class.
Ella was an achiever — whatever she put her mind to she would excel at and whatever she wanted to do, she would find a way to do. Katherine, on the other hand, would just make do with what life threw at her. Not because she didn’t have the intelligence, but because she was lazy. From childhood, she was used to things being done for her and handed to her on a plate and this proved no help to her in her adult life.
She had found that people expected her to do things for herself these days, like work and pay for things, and she didn’t like it one bit. Being in between jobs after her previous boss fired her for spending too much time away from her desk, usually in the kitchen taking half an hour to make a cup of tea, Katherine couldn’t afford to join her best friend on her upcoming adventure. She pleaded with her parents for months to lend her the money, but Jan and Eddie had finally learned to say no to their only child, albeit too late.
Ella had been saving for two years in preparation for her 6-month around the world trip, which she was leaving for in 20 minutes. As the best friends hugged, Ella believed Katherine’s words describing her pride, and they meant the world to her. Unlike Katherine, Ella wanted nothing but the best for her friend and believed that her friend felt exactly the same.
“I’ll write to you every day!” This time Ella was lying.
Katherine walked past the five houses in between Ella’s parents’ house and that of her own parents’. The girls were twenty-four with no plans of yet to move out of their childhood homes.
‘But Ella will be free for 6 months!’ thought Katherine, the anger tightening in her throat, ‘well I hope she hates every moment of her stupid trip!’
Jan would often tell her daughter that she was no more mature than a teenager.
Ten minutes after she got home and slumped herself on the couch in front of the television in a huff, Katherine saw, through the lounge window, Ella’s dad’s car passing by on the way to taking Ella to the airport.
“..and don’t come back!” she yelled from where she sat. These words would still be haunting Katherine two decades later, whenever she would think of Ella, which was almost every day.
London, 2018
“Her hair was long, dark and beautiful,” Katherine said to her 10 year old, Ella. She was describing the original Ella, her best friend, after whom she had named her first born, and who she hadn’t seen in 20 years.
“Like Belle from Beauty and the Beast!” proclaimed little Ella.
“Exactly like Belle,” her mother replied.
Little Ella handed back the photo of Katherine and the original Ella, taken on their joint 18th birthday party. They were dressed all in black, as were most of their guests due to the theme of the party being ‘goths and vampires’.
As little Ella climbed off her nanna’s couch and skipped off towards the garden to join her little brother, Katherine started to remember that day, 20 years ago, when she sat in the exact spot she was sitting in now, wishing her friend not to return. A sharp pang of guilt and regret poked against her rib cage. Her mind started tormenting her with the memories of another day, 65 days after she made that wish, when original Ella’s dad came to their door close to midnight on that Friday evening.
“…she was caught up in the cross-fire. An ambulance was called but she died before they got her to the hospital.”
Katherine heard Mr Mattis sobbing to her mum as she walked down the stairs to see who was at the door at this hour. Jan pulled Mr Mattis towards her in an embrace and they sobbed together for almost half an hour as Katherine sat on the first step of the staircase and remembered what she had yelled out as Ella’s dad drove past their house, 2 months earlier.
London, 1998
Mr Mattis had a full head of dark straight hair, neatly clipped above his ears, that in the past 24 hours (since learning of his daughter’s untimely death) had instantly started to show signs of greying. He was on his way to the airport, where he would fly out to Paris to collect Ella’s body. Mrs Mattis and Scotty, Ella’s older brother, wanted to join him but he insisted they stay behind and make funeral arrangements for when he brought his only daughter home.
Ella had been in Paris for less than 12 hours before it happened. She was to stay in France for a week, visiting four cities, before flying back to London for a half-time break in her 6 month adventure. Her family had already started to prepare for her 5 day visit by planning a surprise party for her 25th birthday, which would have fallen on her third day back home. Party preparations were quickly forgotten about when they got the call from the French police to inform them of Ella’s death.
“Are you looking forward to seeing Ella, Katherine? You must miss her so much?” Jan asked her daughter, the morning of the day Mr Mattis would visit their home with the news from France. “You were together every day for years — 3 months apart must seem like a lifetime to you both!”
“Who cares?!” Katherine mumbled under her breath.
“What was that?” asked her mother.
“I said WHO CARES?!”
“Katherine! What are you saying? Don’t you miss Ella?”
“Why should I? She’s off living her fancy life all around the world while I’m stuck here in this shit hole! She doesn’t care about me, why should I care about her?”
“But I thought she just sent you a message a few minutes ago telling you she misses you?” Jan was very surprised at what she was hearing from her daughter.
“Yeah, showing off that she’s about to go and eat at a fancy French cafe that is actually in France! She’s rubbing my face in it! I couldn’t care less that she’s coming back next week, I never want to see her again.”
Katherine’s jealousy had nothing but grown in the 3 months her friend had been travelling. Every day she would think about what Ella was doing and where she would be and every day the anger that she was doing these things without her would form a like a lump in Katherine’s throat. “I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN!”
Paris, 1998
Ella had gone straight to bed on arrival at her Parisian hotel room but woke up 5 hours later, in the early evening, to go across the road for dinner. The cafe she passed on her way into the hotel served crepes and that was exactly what she wanted!
Stepping out from the hotel doors, she let them shut behind her and stood still for a moment, looking around and feeling thankful that she had woken up in yet another lovely city. She looked across to the cafe and smiled as she considered what filling she was going to have in her savoury crepe.
‘Katherine would love that cafe!’ she thought to herself. ‘I wish she was here.’
As she started towards the road, she heard fast, heavy footsteps getting louder as a man running, obviously in fear of his life, got closer to where she was now standing. As he sped past her, something else came shooting behind him and etched its way into Ella’s chest.
It was a bullet, shot from the gun of an unknown man running after the first unknown man for an unknown reason. The bullet meant for the first man was intercepted by Ella’s beautiful, young body.
Ella felt a sharp thump in her chest, immediately followed by an immense stinging, spreading through her insides. The unbearable pain was followed by numbness and then the inability to take a proper breath. She felt herself rapidly shutting down and a huge wave of panic hit. She had fallen flat on her back and passers by had started running towards her to help. Ella’s panic subsided as she watched the fluffy white clouds crawling across the beautifully blue Parisian sky. This sense of calm was the last thing she felt before her eyes fell closed and she entered into the world of death. In her right hand was her phone, which she had used one minute prior to being caught in the cross-fire resulting in her demise. She had taken a photo of the cafe from across the street and sent it to her best friend with the message:
“I am going to eat a steak, spinach and mushroom crepe, just like the ones we ate together on my 20th birthday at our favourite French cafe back home. Can’t wait to see you next week. Miss you, bestie!”
London, 1998
The day of Ella’s funeral was a miserably grey and wet one.
‘The world is weeping for you, Ella,’ whispered Katherine, as she followed the pallbearers and Ella’s family towards the plot reserved for the burial. As the shiny white coffin was slowly lowered into the hole in the ground, Katherine’s sobs were the loudest amongst all of the guests.
‘I’m so sorry!’ Katherine said aloud as she threw a single yellow rose on top of the lowered coffin. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there to save you! I’m sorry I thought I hated you! The truth is I loved you and I missed you.. and now I will miss you forever. Goodbye my beautiful friend. I will always love you…’
This time, she was telling the truth.
SM, April 2018
